My Deceased Grandma From A Dream

I remember it as if it happened yesterday. The strange sound of my mom's phone was loud and alarming. I decided to ignore it and go back to sleep. Soon after I went back to sleep, my mom came in my room. I sat up in my bed with my eyes half opened, and I remember the puzzled look on her face. It was frightening like if she had just been told something unexpected and upsetting. And at that exact moment, I knew exactly what she was going to say, and I froze in fear. She sat next to me and nervously mumbled ¨Your grandma passed away¨. I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to believe it. The exact same four words kept repeating over and over in my head and I felt like the whole world was spinning. Without even realizing, I then found myself bawling my eyes out. I had so many mixed emotions. I was heartbroken, I was angry and I was upset. My mom told me to get dressed since we were going to the hospital but I refused to go. I was upset and all I wanted to do was to be alone. My mom then left after having a talk with me about my grandma. I started to feel better and I was starting to accept that things happen for a reason, but it also started to feel like there was a huge hole in my

Then, confirmation was coming up in less than a month. All the girls were buying pretty dresses and the boys got their fancy dress clothes, and everyone was getting elegant red robes and practicing for the confirmation ceremony. However, there was one issue, I still wasn’t sure whether or nether or not I was ready for this. A lot was going through my head and I kept thinking to myself

Ever since I was a young boy, my family would pile into our old 15-passenger van and drive to church each and every Sunday, without fail. I didn't really understand it at first, it was just something I had to do. When I was around 6 years old, my mother encouraged me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I hardly understood what it meant, but I went through with it, much to my mother’s excitement. Years passed, and my understanding grew. Up until I was around 13 years old, my faith had no correlation to my actions. I could recite bible verses for hours, yet I couldn't say what any of them meant. That all changed one year at Camp Selah, a Then, in the year 2014, my faith took a turn for the worst. I’d had a testing first year of high

The next ten years were a blessing. Everything was perfect and everything made sense. My grandmother’s illness led her to come to know God and, as a result, the entire family was introduced to Christianity. The pain and suffering she had experienced through her chemotherapy sessions did not compare to the blessings that came into our lives after her miracle. It brought the family together and we were all happier than ever. My mother and aunt’s small business was prospering. My father and uncle’s business was receiving more daily customer phone calls than they had been receiving on a weekly basis. My grandmother was healthy and all five of her grandchildren were excelling in school. And most importantly, regardless of everyone’s chaotic schedule, we all got together on Saturday and Sunday mornings to go to church and praise the benevolent and merciful God that we had all come to know. Everyone was at the dinner table — what a blessing.

When my mother and I arrived at the scene we were greeted to find that my grandmother had gained consciousness and refused to go to the hospital with the ambulance. For the rest of the day my grandma was the same old ornery and happy-go-lucky woman she always had been, she was just a little sluggish. As the day progressed, many phone calls were exchanged between my parents about my mother staying the night to make sure everything was still going well with my grandma. I, of course, refused to go home because nights at my grandma’s were always a favorite, and I was worried about the whole situation. Night approached and my mother and I tucked into bed in the cute little guest room across the hall from my grandma’s. It was a cute little room with a queen sized bed in the middle of the wall under a nice big window with a lovely view of the flowers my mother and I had planted outside. Adjacent to the bed on both sides were bookshelves filled from top to bottom with which I had read my way through in the years and months prior. Across from the bed was a closet that had as many blankets kept in it as possible. Ever since I was a child I have always slept on the edge of the right side of the bed, so thats exactly where I lay that night as I drifted into dreamland with thoughts of my mother and grandmother dancing through my ten year old

In August of 2001, I gave my life over to God and gave up my selfishly sinful ways. I recall this memory very vividly. I was sitting in the back row of the chapel with my arms crossed and a hardened look on my face like Popeye the sailor man. The friends I had found were just like me, trying their hardest to please the staff, follow the rules and get out of this program and back into the real world. But something miraculous happened. I suddenly realized I was a sinner and living a life full of multiple defense mechanisms was going to get me nowhere. I wanted the love of Christ and was thereby freed from the chains of self-pity and unworthiness.

My great grandmother had a stroke and she was taken to the hospital by the ambulance. By the time we arrived there, she had already been rushed to the emergency room. As I screamed, and cried my eyes out for her, my parents tried to calm me down. After crying and praying for about 45 minutes, I felt so weak and drained out that I had to lie down. Then I heard a voice saying, “Mrs. Roberts, your mother will be okay but right now she’s in the intensive care unit, so you will not be able to see her at this moment”. My mom and her sisters came back into the waiting room with smiles on their faces, and told us what the doctor said. They said that my great grandma had a stroke that was caused by her high blood pressure, but with medical treatment and rest, everything will be fine.

All summer I had been looking forward to seeing God change my life, but I had seen nothing. One of the leaders, David pulled me aside and began to tell me that I was important and God was working in me. As we left that site I felt filled with the Holy Spirit of God. That night our group went to the top floor of the hotel for worship and it was so powerful I broke down and cried. I was so amazed by God's presence, it made me sad to think that others don’t know him. I started to pray for my friends and family and when I finished I felt filled up with the Holy Spirit. I went to bed that night feeling content wishing the trip would never end. The last day, we went shopping, and went to the beach, and some people managed to buy machetes. We went back to the hotel and had pizza for dinner. The pizza tasted really good after six days of chicken. When we finished eating we shared what God had done on the trip. I proudly shared my story of God working in my life. Dallas and I went up to our room to pack for the next day when we finished we fell into bed and went to sleep. We went to the airport the next day, the airport was smaller than DIA, so security went pretty fast. We waited by the gate for a while then moved on to the shops. As me, Jason and Dallas moved from shop to shop I reflected on the trip. God had really shown his power and spirit in my life. Even at the

This exact moment made me feel the need to change myself as a whole, and devote myself to God. For this reason, I then devoted the next two years of my life to serving a full-time mission of service for my church, to those that were in need. I went to the Houston-South Texas mission, to help those that were less fortunate and to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It was the hottest place that I at the time had ever been. The sweat and tears that were poured into this mission helped me to learn empathy. This was the time in my life that I felt made me into the man that I am today. It was a very demanding two years that required a lot work out of me, but in return gave me many

I remember for months I would have nightmares about dying, because I couldn’t wrap my head around the thought that one day I wouldn’t be on this earth and that one day I wouldn’t have my mom and dad with me. Eventually I finally understood what my grandma dying meant, and that’s when I started to feel sad about her passing, I just couldn’t believe that the lady I remember reading me bedtime stories, playing with me, and making who I am was no longer around just like that. After many sleepless nights I asked my mom “what happens to us when we die”? Her response was “some people believe that we go to an afterlife where we will live forever, and some believe that when we die we just are dead, but nobody really knows”. I thought about which of those ideas I believed to be true, and even today, I still don’t know which one I believe. After a while I finally realised something about death that I do believe, that even in death, my grandma was living through me in a way. I believed that because she had loved me, cared for me, and taught me somethings in the short time we had together, and in that way, she had left a piece of her own personality in me. So in the end, I came to this conclusion, that even though people die, they’re never truly gone, because they help to shape who the people around them are, and in doing so, they mix in bits and pieces of their personality with that persons, and

June 24th, the day had arrived, and I was jetting off to Weaverville, NC. I didn't think I had the inner ability to serve the Lord, and be an example when I had so much left to learn. Before I could blink, I was weaving up the mountains of Windy Gap. I was so nervous my stomach was doing flip flops; as I came to the realization there was no turning back, I held my tears. The first thing I see is a gathering of people who were about to change my life. They are jumping at the opportunity to take my phone, the last connection I have to reality and submerge me into the bubble of Young Life. I had yet to realize, I was just given one of the greatest gifts, the opportunity to serve a month of my summer at Windy Gap, a Young Life Camp. There, I worked alongside other high schoolers serving campers day by day as a Laundry girl. Meticulous effort and thought put into every movement at camp. Our days were long and tedious, filled with tasks of setting tables, serving campers, clearing tables, cleaning EVERYWHERE, washing, folding, mowing, raking, weeding, wiping, lifting, hauling, carrying, and presenting. I was forced to treat 50 strangers as my new family if I wanted to make it through the hot summer

Next Sunday I woke up and put on my best dress. I went to church thinking I was on the inside. The same routine happened, nothing changed. I was not overcome with emotions like the rest. Again, I heard the preacher say “If you are not saved, you will burn in hell for eternity! Sinners are not welcome to god’s kingdom” I began to cry. Not because I had the Holy Spirit, but because I was terrified. Not only was I not on the inside, I was still a sinner. Those words haunted me. I thought “How could I be saved? I still sin! I’m still not on the inside!” I went home to search for answers. I did this for years I could not find any, so I cried. I cried every night. I thought I must be the devil’s spawn. All the harsh words from the preacher made me hate myself. I felt unloved and unclean. I opened my bible, but I still couldn’t find an answer. With tears streaming down my face, I took a razor blade to the wrist. Oh, what a terrified, heartbroken, foolish child I was. It didn’t occur to me that no one was

So my grandma had brain cancer and I remember that i was with my other grandma at grandpa to get away from all of the stress. my mom called and she said that my great aunt betty walked in to see her and my grandma took her very last breath. I started i was packing up to leave to go see her, it was a long pitiful ride, it took 45 minutes to get back to grand rapids, we were in Kalamazoo. sometimes I think that i wanted to be there but it would be even harder for me. I know deep inside me that all things happen for a reason, she got taken out of all of

I just couldn’t believe that I had been wrong for 17 years. But as I stood there, I heard God “Yes, this is where you belong.” He said. And with this woman, whom I had just met, sharing the history and love of the Catholic Church, I felt LOVED. I now I realize why. Not only was God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit with me, as they always have been, but Mary was also there. She was rejoicing because her Son had a new follower in His Church! I remember feeling more than just God in that moment. It wasn’t greater then God, but it was powerful and more than I ever

The early years of my adulthood were as transformative as the textbooks and articles explain. In just a few short years everything from my friends to my worldview changed. In adolescence, I was “the good Christian girl.” My faith was a core part of my identity. Most of my close friends were either from church or from the Fellowship of Christian Athletes organization at my high school. I wasn’t “popular”, but I had plenty of friends. I didn’t smoke, drink, or take anything stronger than Nyquil, and that was only in the recommended dose to treat the ailments listed on the bottle. I dated “good Christian boys,” and promised to abstain from sex until I was married, even donning a “True Love Waits” ring on my left ring finger as an outward symbol of my commitment to “purity.”