Personal Narrative Essay: Anxiety At The Strip Club

The day of my tryout comes, and I’m nervous because it’s a totally different style of dance than I’m used to. I know nothing about it, and all the girls have been at it for over a month! Despite that, I’m still excited and I eagerly walk in the front doors of my high school. 30 heads turn to look up at me. My dirty, worn out shoes, and messily pulled-up hair didn’t seem too appealing to them, to say the least. Some of the girls looked confused and whispered quietly with the person to their side. The two captains of the team come walking up to me with a huge smile on their face. The kind that’s kind of forced.

The end of my Sophomore year was the worst time of my entire life and the main cause of my beliefs and ideas of myself. Depression hit me hard and fast like being in the two minute and twelve-second knockout boxing match with Muhammad Ali, but gratefully received help from my family, school, and a special someone. It played a massive role in my effectiveness in school work and social life, but that became the start of what I would call a blessing. Motivation and ambition came quickly after the second semester after months of pressure and love from others who I am proud to call family and friends.

The summer before my freshman year of highschool, I had a fallout with my old studio owners. In order to continue I had my audition at a brand new dance studio. I was the new kid so I lied low in all of my classes to make friends and learn their techniques, but when competition season rolled around I wanted to be recognized as a valuable part of the team. I had thought a new studio, a new life, so I signed up to compete a solo. I had previously only competed as a group member, so it was a big jump to become a soloist. The first competition we went to was Hall of Fame, at the Statehouse Convention. When we arrived and I went back to the dressing room to do my hair and makeup. Then in the hallway I ran my solo a few times before I had to go

Although I had feigned confidence to my friends and a carefree attitude to my parents, I was undoubtedly nervous. I leaned over to pull up my cream-colored knee high socks, then took one last look in the mirror. A killer outfit- one that was supposed to be comforting. Flushed cheeks. Sweaty palms. Shaky hands. Looking away, I turned on my heel and slinked over to where all the other girls audition were.

I had something to focus on besides my nerves. I straightened up, walked to the front pole, and pressed my back against it. I slid my fingers under the straps of my dress, sliding them down my arms. I held the top of the dress over my breasts as I sunk down, opening my legs toward them. I gave a quick shimmy of my shoulders and let the top of the dress fall down to my waist. Angel and Sky were clapping and cheering, but I realized they weren’t the only ones. The guys were enjoying our show. A couple of them were now standing at the stage with dollars in their

Looking back at freshman year, my life was like a malevolent game, vibrant and impacted. I was just another high school school student among all the others eager to face life’s new challenges. Throughout the beginning of my first year of high school, i was already beginning to reach goals that i had set for myself to complete by the end of my high school experience. I made new friends, got it into the JV Soccer team, engaged in different clubs, and was already starting on some volunteer work. Did i seem to be forgetting anything? Sleep, food, relaxation, downtime… Who needs it? It turns out the answer is ME! I need it!

My first year at Montclair State University, was something that was completely unexpected. I went into my first year with an expectation to succeed. Yet, I was hit something different. My mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer. My worries did not just stop there, because I had to fight a long case with Great Oak Charter School for the mistreatment of my special needs sister. Stepping in the role of the head of household was physically, emotionally, and mentally draining. There was no time for me heal from the events taking place, because I had to sustain my family in all aspects even financially. As I tried so hard to hold an exterior that I was fine, my whole being began to plunge. I abandoned my studies to focus on my family. Yet, I didn’t

I’ve been dancing my entire life. I started by tap dancing when I was three years old, then later moved on to different styles of dance. However, the first day of my audition for an actual dance crew was kind of intense. I remember walking into a room full of talented dancers and completely doubting myself. It gave me a strange feeling in my stomach. I felt like throwing up, but I knew I had to suck it up and get through it. It made me nervous knowing that I was one of the last ones to audition. As soon as I got up on that stage, it was like all my fears suddenly switched off. I danced my heart out and gave it all I got. I got a call a few days later and they had told me that I made the crew. Since that day, I have never doubted myself in

I was extremely neurotic, I was doubting myself, and as I heard more and more people walk in the more I began to shiver, which was odd for me since I was outgoing and uncommonly talkative. I was nervous I was going to fail my number one goal in high school (besides graduating). Everything was happening so fast, all the escorts were doing their makeup, and we were going through the beginning dance several more times while the curtains were closed. Immediately after 4th runthrough. The student body president with her over dramatic sparkling gold dress and earphone piece yells, “PLACES EVERYONE WE GO ON IN FIVE!!!”. My heart sank down to my butt, I was breathless. I made it worse when I decided to quickly peek my head out the curtain, just to see my whole family and my friends all sitting together, and of course the rest of the 115 attendants there chattering. Nonetheless with God’s gracious power. The show didn’t start for another 23 minutes due to Drews CD. It was not playing properly and he was the first one to go. That gave me time for my friend Maurice Farrow to calm me down, and the other contestants to calm me down. I was more nervous than the Wendy Torrance from the shining was being chased by Johnny. Finally the CD was fixed and we performed the begining dance perfectly. Which gave me more confidence, that I would be able

I had expected the adrenaline to race through my limbs like one of the Formula 1 cars my dad watches, but it didn’t. In that moment I realized that I was a trained performer. Sure, my performances had been at much smaller scale than preforming at Radio City Music Hall in front of 4 extremely famous judges, thousands of people in the audience and millions of people at home, but still the stage was my home. After years of training and two weeks of working as a professional dancer in New York City, millions of pairs of eyes staring at me and expecting something magical was something I was prepared for. Although the stars were not aligned in a perfect dance formation like my routines, this experience was not something I regretted. I came into the Big Apple as a young, naïve 16 year old and I left a mature and experienced dancer who found both pride and success in

I would work some semesters during the day and go to school at night. I wanted to build a foundation with writing so I could create better stories in screenwriting. Writing was my only retreat from the world that kept on changing around me, for the better or worse. With a world that was causing friction for me at that time, I’m surprised I kept on with my studies. I went to a state school to give me hope, hoping that I could one day go to UCI for film studies. I had no encouragement, no friends, no support other than within my household. During finals, in my first semester, a teacher called me into his office to talk about going over finals. I felt like a failure, all those years of going to summer school as a child always had a hold on me,

When I woke up on August 7th, 2015, terrified for the day ahead of me. It was the day I would audition for my first company. I glanced over at my roommate, who I had spent the past four weeks with at Moxie Contemporary Ballet’s summer intensive. She was still asleep, so only the hum of the fan was my company. I slowly managed to get myself out of bed and prepared for the day. Around an hour later, I was ready for the day. I headed downstairs, with all of my luggage, to hop in a cab I had planned the night before.

The music began to play. I panicked. Before I could check on all of the girls standing backstage one more time, my legs started to move, and I found myself at the front of the stage with the lights shining brilliantly against my face. Hearing my friends hollering my name and the enormous audience cheering madly, I thought to myself, “Oh God, please don’t let this performance turn out to be a disaster.” It was too late to back out now. I was trapped between the twenty-five hundred pairs of eyes in front of me and the two hundred girls dancing behind me.

I was always basically the good girl coming from a good family, having the perfect grades all my life, never even had a parking ticket, but once I saw this ad there was something about the idea of exotic dancing that’s captivated my imagination. It’s so funny now that I look back on it, before the contest I brought my first pair of 6-inch platform heels and then I practiced walking around my room then I got myself a lingerie set. On the night of the show I was so nervous. I was terrified of me tripping over my feet in those 6 inch platform heels. I don’t know but once I hit that stage it was like something just a complete hold over me, and I was totally natural when it came to stripping. I ended up placing second place and making $600 that night my first night. After that contest I knew my life change forever and this would be the start of own

It was a cool October morning as me and a few of my friends I hired to be assistants for the day loaded up months of tireless work into a few cars. It is surprising when you look at it all packed up, what feels like tons of sleepless nights and hundreds of dollars in cloth all fit into two four door sedans. We headed off on our long journey from Riverside to Costa Mesa California. When we arrived I had to find my way through a maze of people busy setting up stages and what not tell I finally found the owner of the venue so I could ask where I could start the long tedious task of prepping clothing and models. We unloaded everything and got to work