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Poorly Written Email Case Study

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Poorly Written Email

TO: Jim FROM: Mike DATE: August 13, 2013
SUBJECT: ASME Vessel Requirements

Jim,

I have had a chance to review your memorandum in detail, research the relevant codes and standards, and have some preliminary conversations with Matt Hirsch (Primus) and Mike McGinnis (Innovative). I have also attached two (2) pictures of the installation in Omaha. The installation in Dallas, although appears to be vessel, is not intended to be a vessel. The design that was reviewed initially was to be condenser drain header sized to provide a minimum of 5 minutes of liquid supply to the thermosyphon oil coolers. However, pipe cap fitting were used on the inlet and outlet sides of the …show more content…

First, Mike should have started the email thanking Jim for bringing the concern to his attention. This would have shown Jim that Mike appreciates the pride he takes in his job. It, also, would have introduced the topic at hand and led into the main point of the email. Next, Mike should have written the lead before introducing any processes or references. Then, he could have systematically written the reasoning and findings behind his message. Finally, Mike should have left out the last three sentences, replacing them with supportive information about the machinery. If he had done so, it would have resolved Jim’s concern and eliminated all the unfriendly diction that led to the workplace animosity.

Mike’s email caused anger, frustration, and confusion in the workplace. Through the emails that followed, Jim’s insecurities grew and Mike’s temper was tested. A properly written email could have avoided a workplace disruption. Furthermore, one focused, organized, and direct email would have answered Jim’s concern and relayed Mike’s support.

Email Rewrite

TO: Jim FROM: Mike DATE: August 13, 2013
SUBJECT: Requirements for ASME Vessel

Jim,

Thank you for notifying me about the concern in Dallas. I carefully looked over your memorandum, and can see where that section of the refrigeration system could appear to be a vessel.

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