Reflection Essay

The foundation of the stress in my home is provoked by two siblings. Firstly my melodramatic eleven year old brother, Daniel, has bipolar disorder and amongst other mental disorders. He has stayed in mental hospitals multiple times in Champaign and Chicago, from being unsafe at home. Most people don’t know the feeling of celebrating a birthday in a mental institution.

In this class we have a credo, and in that credo there are some key words that were capitalized: Read, Think, Write, College Level, rigorously, Holistically, Learning, Safe, and Fun. Everyone has their own way of defining words, some maybe the same and some may be different but that’s ok. In this essay I am going to thoroughly and efficiently explain to you in my own words what each of these words mean to me in the context of this course.

Organization is one specific tool I have used throughout my life consistently that has helped me become who I am today. When I was a little kid, my mother use to say, “ okay, now help me clean up.” This stuck with me and as years went by, I eventually did so without her asking. I had a place for all of my things. If it wasn’t there when I went to look for it, I became anxious. Point is, at a very young age, I discovered the need for things around me to be organized and tidy. Throughout the course of one’s life, we adapt many practices that later shape who we are. These practices are called literate repurposing. While gathering my research, I came across many unique findings. This character trait has never diminished, and I've repurposed my organizational skills all throughout my life.

When I first thought about where I would serve back in the spring, my initial idea was at a soup kitchen. I had worked at one during the Sophomore Retreat Experience, and while I found the three hours we were there exhausting, they were also really fulfilling. However, at the time I was also learning more about myself through the enneagram and was really coming to terms with my particular manifestation of social anxiety. I knew that in a impersonal environment like the one I had experienced at the soup kitchen sophomore year I would not motivate myself to independently form interpersonal relationships. If I went to serve without connecting with people, I would have felt, "that i had no real intention of meeting, even learning about, [the] needs," of those I was serving. I needed an environment that was deliberately structured to create those relationships, like GiGi’s Playhouse. At GiGi’s I feel challenged to live in solidarity with these kids and their parents, and to move past the anxiety that holds me back from connecting with new people.

As a Junior at Downtown Magnets High School I took two AP courses that were AP Spanish Language & AP U.S History along with my regular courses like Mathematics, Science, English, and etc. It was not until I entered my AP U.S. History class that I really learned about All nighters and the use energy drinks and Coffee. I don’t like to Fail but to succeed one must learn what failure feels like to better their understanding of how to Succeed. I “technically” passed the first semester of the Course with a Solid “D” but that did not satisfy me since I knew that I deserved better after all the Time and work I put in to studying two days before each quiz and test. I did not understand that time and effort did not lead to success.

At some point in our lives, we have all asked the question “What is the purpose of school? Why must I learn this? The first time I can recall myself experiencing these sentiments was when I started French immersion. This subject has always presented a struggle for me as I have always felt that it is rather difficult which was amplified due to the lack of help that I received from my parents, as neither could speak French unlike many of my peers’ parents. Your teachers as well as the principal in schools also play a major impact in your education journey and can ultimately shape your education experience. These challenges can impact all students in some way however, it is important to approach these challenges head on in order to succeed and reach your goals including making yourself and your parents proud.

Every person on this earth has a past that shapes them and makes them into a unique individual. I am a 19-year-old student who has a life that may seem to have little flaws from the view of an outsider, but in all honesty been a journey of difficult ups and downs. I have found that many of the readings we are required to do in university will not personally touch us or make us reflect deeply on our own lives. This certainly was not the cas e when I read the personal essay titled Ghosts and Voices: Writing from Obsession by Sarah Cisneros’, because I found that I connected on a deeply personal level to three principal aspects of this piece of writing. First of all, I was also ostracised as a younger child, but in a school setting not at home. In those difficult years when I felt like I had no one, I escaped into the worlds created in books and through trying to write my own stories. Secondly, like Cisneros’, I found myself deeply connecting with some of the books I was reading and in them found the girl that I wanted to become. Lastly, this entire piece was how Cisneros’ discovered her voice as a writer. She found that the best way was to write what you know best, basically using your own experiences to draw your readers/audience in, which is also something I am well versed in not only as a writer but also a performing musician. I truly connected with this piece by Cisneros and was able to find many key parallels between our personal lives that really struck a chord with me.

One aim I remember well is “Why do we prefer to see segregation as natural, or unplanned?” as I was the one who helped pick it. You gave me a choice between this question and “do we prefer to see segregation as natural, or unnatural?” (something like that), and I picked the former because I knew it better prompted the way you like to guide your lessons. I didn’t think you wanted a debate on whether segregation is planned or not, but rather a discuss on how calculated the racism in our nation is. When you asked the class about the aim, I remember there being silence. Even I was uncomfortable answering because Americans have a tendency to not want to accept their faults. It’s in our textbooks, our curriculum, and our daily lives. Every single history teacher I’ve ever had remained very neutral to the information they taught (which I don’t blame them for most teachers are expected to not share opinions), but you did not care and I loved that!! I feel like I never had the weight of how cruel and deliberate our history of racism was really drop on me until I was in your class. Americans passed segregation off as a natural process because we knew it was wrong, and did nothing about it, but we did not want to feel bad about ourselves and accept what a backwards society we created. It’s such a simple concept, but for some reason, it didn’t hit me hard until then.

In my English classes, a popular assignment is analyzing the literature in an essay after reading a novel. You may think that because I had this assignment multiple times already, that I would be good at it by now. I should definitely be able to write it without any hesitation or problem. However, that is not the case, unfortunately. When analyzing literature, I still have a long way to go. I still have a lot of techniques and ways to pick up that would help make my writing more efficient. My brain is definitely still developing new strategies that could come in handy when writing. Although sometimes I believe that I am alright at analyzing literature, I do often times have writer’s block and can not seem to come up with an analyzation. Thankfully, due to my most recent English teacher, I had a lot of help and improved myself greatly. I feel confident in the quotes that I pick, confident in the commentary I am writing, and confident in the way I phrase it. I have developed my own techniques as to analyzing literature in order to write an essay along the way.

As a 14 year old reader and writer, I never saw a true significance in the subjects. I would often become flustered and overwhelmed when forced to do a writing assignment. I just couldn’t understand why I was being forced to perform a task that, in my opinion, made no impact on the world around me. However, my Sophomore year, my perception began to change. I had begun taking an Advanced Placement World History class. This class made a big impact on me as a reader and a writer for many reasons. Although, I can’t recall every lesson I was taught during the course of this class, but what I can recall is a much more impactful lesson. The lesson that continues to shape how I view literacy and the modern world.

For the past three and a half years I have participated in the school band. In that time I’ve taken part in concert band, marching band, and jazz band. Setting up my schedule in sixth grade kicked off the adventure.

Though there was an impressive amount of points and ideas which I will touch on in a few sentences which I appreciated from JD Vance's lecture, what made me willing to listen, swallow and immerse myself in what he was saying was the fact that he pointed out that while there are going to be differences in culture, in opinion, in almost anything there can be differences in… what’s important, what’s an essential part of trying to fix America and restore people’s hope in the American dream is to come at problems and dilemmas from the other side, with a new perspective.

I believe that existence is dependent on connections. Life only exists in ecosystems where energies are undoubtedly interrelated but I think as humans we often overlook the significant beauty of our ecosystem. I’ve learned that the three most important types of connections we make are relationships with other beings, the understanding of ourselves, and deep ties to our natural surroundings. Without these connections, life cannot be. In my experience, I’ve seen how art and creativity develop a language through which connections can be made.

Practicums are a time to put into practice what we as pre-service teachers have learnt in theory. This experience can be challenging and rewarding all at the same time as it makes a pre-service teacher face both their strengths and challenges as an individual and an educator. Lesson planning can be time-consuming during the hours when one is not teaching but makes the teaching time run more smoothly. There are standards that graduate teachers need to adhere to and relationships with mentors, children, families and colleagues to establish all in such a short time.

Happiness, enjoyment, ecstasy, these sense of feeling people always talk about, which lingering around my ears ever since I was a little kid, gets me tired from even giving a try to dig in and to truly understand what it means to be happy, to enjoy, and live in ecstasy. But there is one moment, the moment which crumbles my thought, has impacted me deeply that makes me wonder: Why do people wish for happiness, isn’t happiness expressed through our laughters and on our smiling face? If not, then what is that authentic and permanent happiness we can get? This all starts from the last parent meeting at the end of my elementary school life, which influences my attitude, my personality, and my plans for the future that is close at hand.