Sex Lies And Conversation Deborah Tannen Analysis

The articles “Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is it Hard for Men and Women to Talk to each other” by Deborah Tannen and “Speaking Different Languages” by John Gray are about how men and women often misunderstand each other which causes conflicts and or arguments. When a woman says something it usually has a deeper meaning, but men are usually more direct when speaking; this leads to conflicts and relationship problems. According to Tannen and Gray, men and women can adjust their thinking to minimize misunderstanding by translating each other’s dialect, by understanding their different ways of listening, and different body languages.

In the essay Sex, Lies, and Conversation Deborah Tannen focuses on the differences and lack of communication between men and women though observations. She came to the conclusion that men were not lacking in their listening, but they were however listening in a different way than the women did. On the other hand, men aren’t the only people that have terrible communication skills. In many ways, these differences between the two genders can cause major conflict when not understood by the opposite side. A few examples of lack of communication may be when women don’t decide where they would like to eat, men who walk away from an argument rather than talking it out, and their decision making processes.

Did you know, “men and women talk differently because they are raised in something like two different cultures: a male culture from which young men learn to speak like men and a female culture in which young women learn to speak like women?”(Cooper and MacDonald 9). Well, not actually from two separate cultures, but the idea of men and women being opposites as pointed out in the opening. Deborah Tannen has made her theory that a male culture and female culture each exist, very popular with the human population and has written an extensive book on her theory.

Women are relationship-oriented, emotional and cooperative whereas men are assertive, demanding and self-assured. This is the widely held gender stereotype that some people hold around us. Whether men and women in fact communicate differently or behave differently in communication, there is clearly a perception that they might. It is important to address these perceptions, because they contribute to behaviours and expectations that flow from assumptions. This review will focus on the effect of our preconceived or learned assumptions of gender and interpersonal styles by looking at supporting evidence, and the effects of that behavior. We will also be looking at whether there are noticeable differences in the way men and women negotiate and handle conflict. Furthermore, the review will discuss whether these differences result in whether if gender should be considered an important aspect of culture.

Men and Women have different roles and cultures, and differences usually bring difficulty to understand each other. In article “Six Ways Men and Women Communicate”, Drobuck explains dissimilarity between males and females’ ways of communication. He writes “Men and Women desire to satisfy their partners, but they may miss the mark because it is truly difficult to understand and accept our partner’s different ways of communication.” Men are eager to figure out problems when they hear concerns from a partner. Furthermore, they like to have and focus on purpose of conversation. On the other hand, women are more likely to share emotions or make bond of sympathy. During conversation, women want to understand the partner’s feeling, and get rid of

Based on my own observations of male-female communication, Deborah Tannen, the author of “Sex, lies, and Conversation”, has expresses accurately the actual communicated problems that most of men and women have in her analysis. Although, her analysis does not include all type of men and women in the world. In my country, women are tricky and smart, they know how to make men listen to their story, but women also dislike when men give them a different point of view. Women are the selfish creature that everyone knows but never say it out. Additionally, men in my country, do not do such as close their eyes or look at another object while talking to their friend or partner. It shows as disrespect. Most of the Asian nations verily attach much importance

Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication. For instance, women often talk and relate on a personal level. Throughout Tannen's book she uses "cross-cultural communication" to describe the differences between the language of

Communication differences can be traced back to the human biology. Females have some male testosterone hormone and men have some progesterone and estrogen in their body. Maybe this is the reason why the genders have a hard time communicating with one another. In the words of John Gray “Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from different planets and were supposed to be different. In one morning, everything they had learned about their differences was erased from their memory. And since that day, men and women have been in conflict” (11). What Gray is trying to push across is that gender differences have been there since birth. Females having XX chromosome and Males having XY chromosome, there have always been a genetic/biological difference in the way the two genders address and see one another. In “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: a Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in a Relationship ”, Gray reasons that men and women have diverse communication styles, needs, goals, and values, and that the key to a successful relationship between the genders are for both to understand these differences. Gray mentions some differences that include women wanting to feel treasured and men wanting to feel necessary, and women wanting respect and commitment and men wanting appreciation and admiration. He also talks about women being relationship oriented and men being goal oriented. He explains that when it

17). When a woman initiates a talk with her husband or mate, her goal is to share her feelings and make her wants and needs clear in hopes of maintaining the relationship. She does not want to be told what to do, or how to solve the problem, she wants her mate to listen to her. Men are action oriented and initiate a talk with his mate for a specific purpose and that is to solve the problem he addresses. They do not like being vulnerable and sharing their emotions and this can make them seem cold at times to their mate. When a man is communicating a problem to his mate, his only goal is to solve the issue and most times this is done quickly without analyzing the situation. When a woman is communicating a problem to her mate, she is more concerned with how they got to the issue and ways they can avoid the issue again. She takes mental notes and takes her time on making a decision on how to address it. Communication differences in relationships are very complicated and it is the responsibility of the couple to find their own language of communication that works for a healthy

Since Adam met Eve in the Garden of Eden the communication between men and women has been difficult for both men and women. Men often complain that women are too complicated and women frequently say the same things about men yet each group thinks they themselves are not at all complicated. The fact of the matter is that both sexes are incredibly complex beings but communicate to each other in different ways which can sometimes lead to miscommunications or misconceptions of what the other is trying to say. Deborah Tannen, an accomplished Professor of Georgetown, believes that this inability to communicate easily is due to the fact that men and women converse differently than one another. The different ways that males and females speak is illustrated in HBO’s hit show True Detective.

This dynamic is important to remember when looking at another major area of miscommunication between men and women. Women cannot understand the resistance men seem to have when asked for assistance or consideration of some kind or another. Women must remember the above scenario and understand that, for men, doing what they

Their communication styles, verbal and nonverbal, are so different and many people are unaware of this fact. Seeing that men and women are different communicators can help minimize the abundance of arguments. In typical relationships misunderstandings are at the core of the relationship causing the majority, if not all, of the problems. But, with understanding and patience men and women can minimize their arguments caused by misunderstanding.

This causes women to become more vocal. Tannen suggests that status affects many different ways in which men communicate and raises several different examples. One area she found was that men tell more stories and jokes than women. She suggests that they are not doing this to be funny but instead do it to again to negotiate status. They often tell stories in which they are the heroes and act alone to overcome obstacles. While women use storytelling to gain support from her personal networks. They use their stories that, if they are the subject of, contain her doing something foolish to put her at the same level as the listener. In this way women are not concerned with status as with relating and gaining support. Men and women also differ when they are listening. While women tend to use eye contact and head nods to let the speaker know that she is listening. Men often do not use these techniques because they suggest agreement with the speaker. Women also a technique which Tannen calls cooperative overlap. This happens sometimes when women start to speak before the other person finishers speaking. They usually do this to agree and show support for what the speaker is saying. Women see cooperative overlap as a way to continue the conversation while men see it as a competitive ploy to gain control of that conversation. In this way communication again is not made clear, men are annoyed because they believe that

In my culture I do believe there are differences in the way we communicate because of gender. For instance, as a little girl I played with Barbie dolls and play house, which promoted personal relationships. Boys, on the other hand played cops and robbers, or cowboys and Indians, which promoted violence. In my opinion and experiences with the opposite sex, communication is at times a very difficult thing. For example, I have been dealing with my son’s father for over six years now and no matter what I tell him he will turn everything around and make it about himself or just not even hear a word I have said. It’s as if he does not listen to anything I say or he just interprets it how he wants. I realize not all men are alike. Most men are more literal and simple minded. A lot of times they will be straight to the point and not go into details as most women would.

Different ways of speaking are part of gender. As adults, men and women sometimes face difficulties in their communication with each other. Studies of communication show if a woman tells her husband about a problem, she will expect him to listen and offer sympathy. She may be annoyed when he simply tells her how to solve the problem. Similarly, a husband may be annoyed when his wife wants to stop and ask a stranger for directions to a park or restaurant. Unlike his wife, he would rather use a map and find his way by himself.