“Difficult Conversations” by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen is about the steps to take when dealing with difficult conversations. Difficult conversations can arise from any type of relationship whether is be in the workplace or with family. The fear of consequence is what leads to avoidance of difficult conversations and the goal is to reduce that fear. There are three stages in a difficult conversation, these stages include “The Problem”, “Shift to a Learning Stance” and “Create a Learning Conversation”. In order to discover “the problem”, it is important to recognize the structure of difficult conversations and what is said and not said. There are three types of conversations within a difficult conversation, “What …show more content…
Creating an environment where conversation could become a learning experience is about picking your battles. Do you have internal conflicts? Can the situation be dealt with in ways other than conversation? Have you planned out the conversation? These questions help you to fully think through the situation and think before speaking so that you can learn when a situation calls for a conversation and when one doesn’t. Once the decision to converse has been made, you examine the problem as a third party that picks no side. Next, explain that the purpose is to solve the problem, not find who is to blame or judge the other parties values. A key part in this process is to listen to each other’s stories. Act as if you are curious about the other’s story and values and beliefs, it will make it easier to work through a problem. The types of implications that can arise in any sort of relationship are all the same. Difficult conversations can cause issues in the workplace, world and anyone’s personal life. Blame and the unwillingness to be open to other views can be harmful and strain relationships. When the focus is on blame rather than contribution, it makes it difficult to solve any problem. An example of this is one used in the text. Stone, Patton, and Heen (1999) use the example of the dog that had gotten lose and ran away. Is the person who left the gate open or the person who was unable to grab the dog’s leash at fault? The goal is to retrieve the dog rather
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The pillow method in interpersonal communication is a situation that has four sides to it and to the approaches that can be given to that particular situation. Here, there is no single definite correct answer, but each of the four views that can be given, as will be discussed herein, is correct. The four approaches are normally I'm Right, You are Wrong, then You are Right, I'm Wrong, then Both Right, Both Wrong and finally It Isn't Important Which Position is Right or Wrong. This indicates the complexity behind interpersonal communication and how a simple conflict in communication or situation can take widely varied angles.
Chapter 5: Make It Safe: How to Make It Safe to Talk about Almost Anything When things go wrong in crucial conversations, we assume the content of our message is the problem, so we begin to water it down or avoid it altogether. But, as long as your intent is pure and you learn how to make it safe for others, you can talk to almost anyone about almost anything. The key is to make the other person feel safe. To do this, there are two things the person needs to know. First, they need to know that you care about their best interests and goals. This is called mutual purpose. Second, they need to know that you care about them. This is called mutual respect. When people believe both of these things, they relax and can absorb what you’re saying; they feel safe. The instant they don’t believe them (and it can happen instantaneously – even with those we have long and loving relationships with), safety breaks down and silence or violence follows. To restore safety in the face of silence or violence, you must restore mutual purpose and respect.
The book "Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work & in Life, One Conversation at a Time" by Susan Scott, is a guide to tackling challenges and help enrich relationships with everyone important to one's success and happiness through principles, tools, and assignments. Each component is designed to direct the reader through their first "fierce conversation" with themselves on to the most challenging and important conversations that could be faced.
Guidance, coaching or mentoring discussions where-upon everyone is involved in the discussion, also to split into groups and form mini groups within the core discussion. By encouraging open forums and encouraging listening skillsthis will
Even when taking this approach some will still want to play the blame game or argue about who is right. The book suggests three different ways to deal with these situations. First, reframing the conversation into concepts the other person can relate to. Second, when the other party persistently puts the conversation off track, by interrupting or denying emotions, explicitly name that behavior and raise it as an issue for discussion. Finally, when all else fails, listen. The authors state "the single most important rule about managing the interaction is this: you can't move the conversation in a more positive direction until the other person feels heard and understood.” (Stone, Patton, & Heen, 1999, p. 206)
Listening is a very complicated skill that many people do not posses. It requires individuals to reflect and to admit to their flaws. In order to communicate effectively it is important to know when to talk and listen. Peterson’s book is an excellent tool to enhance all types of relationships.
The conversation between me and my friend was recorded after the microbiology class. It was held in a very quiet room which was located on the top of the building. Through the window, I could see autumn breeze tickling the trees softly. It was a perfect day to have a relaxed a conversation. After writing the transcript, I learned how each person has different ways of talking and how those aspects can help or hinder the other person from understanding the subject. I compared and contrasted the conversation in two different perspectives: the conduit/container perspective and the pragmatist perspective. In the end, I felt that the pragmatist perspective is more valuable than the conduit/container perspective due to its more organized and holistic aspects.
Communication skills are important in professional negotiations and in personal life. This book discusses why we find some dialogue difficult, why we avoid it, and why we often address it ineffectively. Most important, the authors suggest methods for more effective, productive, and rewarding, interaction.
The chapter 4 in Stone, Patton and Heen book states that paying too many attentions on blame can lower the efficiency of problem solving and worsen the situation by unconstructively focusing on other member’s mistake, moving the entire progress backward. The contribution system solves the difficult conversation in a way that both sides understand each other’s contribution without egocentrically focusing on own contribution and ignoring the self emotional perception. Thus, the contribution system is based on mutually understanding and learning in a positive and constructive way in order to minimize the negative effect brought by intentional blaming. The Chapter 5 in Stone, Patton and Heen book points out the feelings stands at center of difficult
This paper is my individual relection on how to handle difficult conversations. We are faced with difficulty to transfer the message we want the other to understand and comply or support. Because of this complexity of communication barrier we end up in a conflict or a confrontation. When this happens we let go of the problem – forget it , avoid it, avoid being involved or ignore it. Learning two way conversation and certain strategies to handle a difficult conversation, is a step to better yourself in the way you voice out without any personal intent.
The first conversation is the “What happened” conversation. Most difficult conversations are about disagreements about what happened, who is right or wrong, and whose fault is it. In this conversation, there is more to the situation than what either person understands. What most people fail to do is answer one important assumption in which our whole viewpoint in the conversation is about, which is: I am right, you are wrong. That idea causes many problems and often doesn’t allow for a solution to the problem. This section says that you should stop arguing about who is right and try to understand each other’s stories, and why it
Over the course of the meetings, each participant started acquiring new tools. We went over these tools until we got the hang of them. Eventually, it felt as if we always knew how to handle those hurdles. It also helps you understand your partners, you may have worked with some of them before, but perhaps you failed to understand their decisions or behavior. After a series of meetings, it became easier to build bridges when you share without prejudice and in confidence.
The article under review is titled “The Use of Silence as a Technique in Counseling” by R. Tindall and F. Robinson (1947). These researchers reviewed sixty-one transcripts of counseling sessions in order to analyze different types of pauses. They sorted them into the various categories of indecision where a counselee stops because they are unsure how to proceed, normal when there is a natural termination in the conversation, organizational in order to organize thoughts, solicitation when the counselee pauses for a response, deliberate when the counselor tries to pause for the counselee to talk, organizational for the counselor to ask clarification, normal for a natural pause, and unclassified when there is a mechanical failure (Tindall & Robinson, 1947). After reading the transcripts, both researchers noticed that they needed to account for the effects that came from the pauses such as who assumed the responsibility, if the cue was missed, if clarification was needed, if plans were developed following, resistance
As a conflict analysis and resolution major, I took this class because I wanted to learn why interpersonal communication is such a key component of every conflict. Although conflicts are placed into levels—international, community/organization, and interpersonal—all of the conflicts are ultimately between two parties with grievances. This class has not only taught me about interpersonal theories, but it also offered a great amount of self-reflection. After reviewing all of the topics we covered, I will reflect on the theories related to forming relationships, maintaining relationships, relational uncertainty in my own life.
It’s not an overstatement to say that sometimes one specific communication encounter can make or break a relationship. Therefore, it’s important to acknowledge how communicating during a fight affects the overall status of a relationship. In this specific scenario, Denise and Jose are a recently married couple. Ever since they’ve been married, Denise has felt a distance between her and Jose that wasn’t present before. She has been avoiding bringing this up, but finally decides to do so one day after Jose comes home from work. An argument ensues about the problems in their relationship and they conclude their issues started after they got married. Hence, within this paper, I will take a closer look at Jose and Denise’s scenario and analyze how their case exhibits three communication concepts: avoiding, social exchange theory, and uncertainty events. After the analysis, I will give detailed recommendations on what should be done in the future to improve their communication and relationships.