The Importance Of Looking Before You Leap Essay

Fairy tales tell us that once upon a time a girl met a boy; they fell in love, and lived happily ever after. Reality is not that simple. Long-term relationships force couples to get to know each other, involve themselves in each others’ worlds, fight through the hard times, and eventually develop deeper connections as noted through distinctive stages of Knapp’s relationship model. Although I have dated the same person for over two years, our communication through relationship stages makes it seem as though I am now dating a different person than the one I met years ago. Following dissolution and subsequent repair, I realize the most exhilarating of roller coaster rides develop through sets of ups and downs, much like the

During a school dance, Jane “with a light/Grave Leap”, touches the end of a paper ring. Dickey sees this as a farewell to childhood and a new beginning into adulthood. She is well

Couples often feel pressured to be perceived as perfect and happy, functioning seamlessly. This mounting pressure may leave some people feeling frustrated and left out, causing them lash out in a flurry of backed-up feelings. Huston describes couples who overlook the flaws in their significant other, feeling the need to have a fairytale relationship.

Relationship satisfaction is an important part of romantic relationships. A lack of satisfaction can lead to consequences in other areas of life and eventually, the destruction of the relationship. For example, job performance is heavily influenced by romantic relationship satisfaction. In a study by Greenhaus and Beutell (1985), they argued that poor satisfaction leads to poor job performance and vice versa. They stated this was to because these two spheres are “interdependent.” Satisfaction can also influence quality of health. Conflict in a marital relationship is associated with higher heart rates and blood pressure (Broadwell & Light, 1999; Ewart, Taylor, Kaemer & Agras, 1991; Flor, Breitenstein, Birbaumer & Furst 1995; Frankish & Linden, 1996; Kiecolt-Glaser, 1993; Mayne, O’Leary, McCrady, Contrada & Labouvie, 1997; Morell & Apple, 1990; Shwartz, Slater & Birchler, 1994; Thomsen & Gilbert, 1998). It is also strongly associated with depression and depressed syndromes (Beach, Fincham & Katz, 1998; Fincham & Beach, 1999). This relationship between marital conflict and depression seems to be bidirectional meaning depression is not only a result of conflict but also is caused by the conflict (Beach, et. al., 1998; Fincham & Beach, 1999). Because a lack of relationship satisfaction can negatively affect so many important areas of life, it is important to understand what influences the level of satisfaction held in romantic relationships.

The part of chapter 1 I find most interesting is that, Epp breaks the social norms that have been instilled in us since childhood. For example, fairytales and romantic comedies that depict that you can find your soulmate and know they are “the one” in single moments. Many relationships end because of issues over looked or minimized because of “love”. Epp uses the term love-is-blind syndrome to describe his patients that lessened warning signs of relationship issues and lacked the knowledge to cultivate healthy relationships. The history of marriages was not always based on love, it wasn’t until recent history that people have been responsible for finding their own partners. “Eighty percent of all cultures throughout all history practiced some form of planned marriages: arranged marriages and forced marriages.” In the past relationships were based off of “…cultural, religious, and ethnic backgrounds; compatible in social status and family values; beneficial for not just the two who were marring but also the extended families involved.” It was planned out to create the most beneficial situation as possible, love was not involved. Epp referred to this as “think” when creating a relationship. That is the issue in today’s society that thought has been thrown out the window, and the heart has taken over. For example, “The trouble

It is argued that long-term happy relationships have needs met while unhappy ones have unmet needs, this was said by Smith and Mackie

“We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all,” (Eleanor Roosevelt, BrainyQuote.com). This quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, former first lady of the US, shared a thought process that is likely familiar to many who have been in a serious relationship, as it deals with the concerns of whether or not a person is being manipulated (Biography.com Editors, Biography.com). Often times, the former results in someone undergoing temporary depression and significant emotional distress (Lachmann, Psychologytoday.com). This demonstrates the principle that individuals in interpersonal relationships become vulnerable to being used by one another. In the cynically written stories of The Great Gatsby, and A Streetcar Named

Marriage requires effort and work. Many newlyweds come into a marriage thinking it is easy but do not consider the consequences of marriage that heavily rely on balances and partnership. Marriage is all about compromise. It is important to engage in a premarital program to allow both partners to learn what to expect within a marriage, how to face certain roadblocks, and to better communication when conflict is aroused so that divorce does not become an option. Gottman’s research (2009) has made a significant contribution to the study of relationship and marriage tying unity, harmony, and communication together to make relationship and marriage work. When a couple who does not have consummate love (intimacy, passion, and commitment), they often portray the six indicators of divorce: harsh startup, the Four Horsemen, flooding, body language, failed repair attempts and reflecting on bad memories (Gottman, 2009). Divorce often occurs within the first two years of marriages and almost half of divorces end within the first seven years (Bhutto-Ramirez, 2015).

The most common relationship problems are those between couples. Having intense feelings for another, being deeply or passionately in love with someone is sheer joy. However, when troubles arise, is can be devastating. Whether the relationship is strong because of passion, comfort or admirable qualities such as commitment towards each other, it leaves a feeling of disappointment when there is a disturbance that appears as a flaw in this perfect affair of the heart. Depending on what the problems are,

Humans tend to stay away from things that they are unfamiliar with. This can be said about relationships. We aren’t used to feelings that we haven’t experienced before, and this taps into repressed feelings. We tend to be with people who make us feel things that we are used to, like a safety net. We tend not to care if we are happy or

Sociological perspectives explains love relationships as not perfect but a working progress. A commitment which relies on continuous maintenance and reassurance. Love relationship practices and investments are configured in experiences that will be shared in the past, present and in the future.

The fairy tales say that once upon a time a girl met a boy; they fell in love, and lived happily ever after. Reality is not that simple. Long-term relationships force couples to get to know each other, involve themselves in each others’ worlds, fight through the hard times, and eventually develop deeper connections through distinctive stages of Knapp’s relationship model. Although I have dated the same person for over two years, the stages of our communication make it seem as though I am now dating a different person following dissolution and subsequent repair. However, even the most exhilarating of roller coaster rides develop through a combination of ups and downs, much like the stages of a relationship.

This literature review will first define romantic relationships and explore what exactly happens in the development of these relationships. From the research found, individual’s age or sex did not necessarily affect the differences in communication. Some research claimed that communication itself defined a romantic relationship; while other researchers said that a couple having the conversation of, “what are we?” was enough to define the relationship. Sometimes it was mutuality in a relationship that helped define it. Mutuality in relationships was often increased with positivity and compliments between partners (Doohan and Manusov 2004).

Some relationships are fleeting, some long; some are intense, others comfortable; some are explosive, others

With the right amount of care, preservation, and maintenance, relationships thrive. To build a lasting relationship that will not end in divorce, you need to be sure that the divorce option is off the table. Through age and experience, people change, but the respect and honor you have for your partner must remain consistent (Parker np). Maintaining communication with your partner may seem difficult when undergoing hardship, but being open with each other and communicating without interruption for 30 minutes a day will stabilize your relationship (Parker np). In marriage, fights are inevitable, but holding grudges is detrimental, so forgive your partner easily (Parker np). Money can be a major factor in divorce and separation. Financing with your partner and agreeing on a budget will assist both of you in living within your means (Parker np). When tuning up your car, a spark will be back in your daily driving, and applying this to your relationships is beneficial. Keep the spark between you and your partner to establish love for each other (Parker np). Small chores or nice gestures will keep the spark of a relationship alive and well. Relationships do require an abundance of work to keep running, but are manageable through basic care.