Why Women Stay In Abusive Relationships Essay

“Domestic violence or abuse is about control” (Pisarra), the abuser has complete control over the victim this is the most abundant reason why it’s hard for a person to leave an abusive relationship. Both emotional and psychological factors keep the victim tied to the abuser. Sometimes situational realities, such as a lack of money, and lack of resources keep the victim from leaving. The reasons for staying in an abusive relationship will vary from one victim to the next, but they usually involve several factors.

Women are conflicted over the difficult decision to choose leave or stay with their abuser because of children, finances and the overwhelming fear for their lives. Love should never make a person feel trapped, hurt or leave

I thought to myself why would you continue to stay in an abusive relationship for so long. Some people (victim or perpetrator) believe abuse is normal; they grew up in abusive homes. Some individuals stay in abusive relationships for financial support. “Violence perpetrated against women by a male intimate partner is 10 times more likely than violence perpetrated against men by a female intimate partner”. I would like to learn methods that people can use to prevent a violent relationship, and if there are any psychological correlation on why people decide to stay in those unhealthy relationships.

Many women and men seek intimate relationships in order to fill their emotional needs of security, safety and love. Their journey starts off with their loved ones spoiling them with flattering gifts and emotional words. The love they feel is so wonderful and deep that they believe that nothing can come between them. They are so happy and convinced that they will live happily ever after with the one they love. Unfortunately, the fairytale they have dreamt about was only temporary and soon comes to an end. The love story they have ones longed for turns into a horrible nightmare. The emotional words they were once spoiled with turn into howling screams and name-calling. The flattering gifts turn into physical abuse. This relationship is referred to as domestic violence or intimate partner violence. This happens when a partner or significant other declares power, authority and control over the other partner. To maintain this authority and control, the abusive partner uses emotional, physical or sexual abuse over his victim (Alters 27). Victims will desperately look for an exit out of this relationship, but only to be blocked by numerous walls of the despair, fear and misery. Many people are convinced that victims have the option of leaving, but they are too weak and they choose not to. What many people don 't know is, victims of domestic violence have many reasons preventing them from leaving their abusers. In most cases the outcomes of leaving are

As stated previously, the victim might believe that the abuser will change for the better or they stick it out for the honeymoon/calm phase. However, there are many other motivators for a victim to stay in an abusive relationship. Victims in abusive relationships could have had a very tumultuous and abusive childhood therefore abuse is what they are familiar with and as humans we seek out what is familiar to us. Even if a victim is able and willing to escape an abusive relationship, things do not always begin to get immediately better. As stated before, the abuser wants to control and have power over the victim. So if the victim leaves, the abuser experiences a loss of power. This causes a majority of the abusers to begin stalking, harassing, and threatening the victim as a ploy to regain their previously held power over them. Once the victim has broken out of their abusive relationship their lives can actually be more at risk than when they were in the relationship due to the drastic measures that abusers may take to regain their loss of power over the victim. As stated by Injuryprevention.bmj.com, an international peer-reviewed journal for health professionals and others in injury prevention, one fifth of homicide victims with restraining orders are murdered within two days of obtaining the order and one third are murdered within the first month. Embarrassment is another key motivator for victims, especially males, to stay in an abusive relationship. The victim does not want to admit that they are being abused by their significant other for fear of seeming weak to their family and friends. It is very hard for men to admit that they are being abused by women as women are supposed to be stereotypically weaker than them. For those in same-sex abusive relationships, the victim’s family and friends might not be aware that they

The cycle of abuse starts when an individual is abused and then the perpetrator feels regret. The guilt leads the perpetrator to ask for forgiveness and engages in positive behavior towards the victim. The victim does not leave the abuse because he/she “perceives few options and feels anxious terminating the relationship with the abusive partner, feels hopes for the relationship at the contriteness of the abuser and does not call the police or file charges.” In addition, after the victim forgives the perpetrator the couples experiences a honeymoon stage. During the honeymoon, stage the victim is optimistic about the relationship’s nonabusive future. After the honeymoon

Domestic Violence: Victims Should Leave For many years, domestic violence has been a subject of many discussions, concerns and fears. As we all have probably heard or seen, most of the victims of domestic violence are women. It’s not unusual to question- Why don’t they just leave? Why silently endure the pains inflicted by the perpetrator when the door is open and there is so much help out there.

While I know what a healthy relationship consist of, it made me realize that even more women than I originally thought are probably victims of an abusive relationship. There are some women that I work with now or over the past few years that everyone in the office thinks their spouse is a “jerk” or that they deserve better but never really thought of them as a victim. A lady that I worked with recently would have to call her husband and talk to him during her lunch hour because he believed that she was cheating on him. He would also control what she wore and would not like when she would have make-up on. Her spouse would think she wore make-up to attract other men. I knew the way he would treat her was not right but never once thought she was involved in an abusive relationship. Abusive relationships to me are relationships in which one is forced to participate in unwanted sexual advances or activities and physical abuse such as hitting, chocking etc.

Women will continue to suffer from domestic violence unless there is some sort of intervention to help them. When dealing with this population, it is essential to create a safe environment where the woman can talk freely about the abuse without any retaliation from the abuser. When someone comes into a therapeutic session, everyone deserves to be treated with respect and care. This in turn will create a sense of hope that a different type of life can be possible. Also, knowing that there is a support system can help the woman begin the process of change. Despite this, the process of leaving the abusive partner is slow (Warshaw, n.d.)

So what makes an abuser? The goal of the abuser is power and control over their partner. Domestic violence can affect all, but more often it is the male inflicting the harm due to their physical advantage and also their societal taught dominating role. The abuser tends to conform to the stereotypical view of the man and women. The man goes out to make the money and support the family, while women stays home to cook, clean, and look after the kids. In knowing this, it is easy to understand why leaving an abusive relationship can be so difficult for the individual being abused, as leaving involves many needed changes and few solutions to the problems.

Every choice that an abused woman considers to do with regards in seeking help or ending the relationship involves a variety of risks. Time and time again, the common question arises, “why doesn’t she just leave?” Most often abused women, at great and potentially fatal risk, do leave their abusive relationships. However, there is a multitude of barriers, including increasing abuse and the potential for re-victimization by the system that does not respond accordingly, and most often force many women to return to their abusers. A woman may become vulnerable as she goes through the stages of leaving her abuser. There are many reasons why a woman becomes vulnerable; guilt, denial, and fear may be among a few reasons, though no matter what the

Some women take the position that “hope springs eternal” for people in love and they shouldn’t be held accountable for the abusive spousal choices they make. That is precisely the kind of romantic notion that men and women cling to and use to seduce them into staying in relationships in which there is abundant evidence that they should leave. Often friends and parents try to intervene but when “hope springs eternal” obvious dangers are overlooked, denied and women tell themselves something like, “If I just love him enough, he’ll change.” Battered men usually say exactly the same things. “What is needed in situations of verbal and physical abuse and danger is not romantic fantasy but a critical and self-protective assessment of the facts followed by a decision based on those facts”(Walker 17).

In addition to all these reasons to why women stay in abusive relationships, is because women lose their self-esteem and eventually don’t have the energy to leave.

Every year in the United States, One in four women are victims of the domestic violence; however, this is only based on what has been reported to the department of justice (Stahly 2008). While men are also victims of domestic violence, women are more often the victims. Moreover, 90% of domestic violence is male initiated. In severe cases domestic violence ends with victims being murdered. More specifically, domestic violence resulted in 2,340 deaths in the United States in 2007, and 70% of those killed were females (CDC 2012). Many people think that victims have the option of leaving and many people blame victims for putting up with the abuse; what many people don 't know is, victims of domestic violence have many reasons preventing them from leaving their abusers, these reasons include, isolation, having children bounding them with the abuser and lack of financial support. "It 's never pretty when you leave an abusive and controlling relationship. The warden always protests when a prison gets shut down," says Dr. Steve Maraboli (qtd from web). Whether a victim stays or leaves their abuser, the outcomes of both situations are not always as easy as many people predict. In some situations, the outcomes of leaving may be very dangerous for both the victim and her children.

According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, the abused stay in domestic relationships due to fear, embarrassment, low self-esteem, love, and believing that the abuse is normal. For me, these are all true.