Will Your Marriage Last By Avia Patz

As a result, Cisneros points out that many women feel that marriage does not always live up to their high expectations fostered by media images of "happily ever after."

The book has a section entitled, “Marriage is traditional” and in that particular section it mentioned about how “marriage has changed over time.” When examined current day marriage trends show that people are looking for partnership or soul mates, not for the most traditional reasons of the past. The idea that one person is supposed to be with one person for the rest of their life is no longer relevant. It is possible to have many happy years with one person, but that does not mean that these people will die together. People can have a falling out. Situations change—people do grow. If people stayed stagnant their whole lives, where would society be? With the way

In Caitlin Flanagan’s Is There Hope for the American Marriage, she establishes the foundation for what the American Marriage means in today’s world by arguing that marriages are likely to collapse over time. With this being said, Flanagan goes on to depict the fragility of marriage during times of adversity, and how susceptible the couples can be when searching for alternative bonds from people other than their own partner, even if it means making moral sacrifices. Through a series of anecdotes from sources like herself to politicians, she further expands on this idea that the ideal marriage is nothing but a hoax for the likelihood of publicity. Flanagan includes sources from sociologists, such as Andrew J. Cherlin and Maria Kefalas, both whom

Modern, contemporary society’s mindset on marriage has shifted considerably over the years. Some research has noted the increase in early sexual experiences, greater acceptance of cohabitation and the increase in narcissistic tendencies, are complicating and muddying the ideals of what marriage means to people today. Research done on this subject resulted in several studies that found that spouses who did not believe that marriage would last forever, were less likely to commit to the relationship financially and were more likely to have extramarital affairs.

In “For better, for worse: Marriage means something different now,” Stephanie Coontz reveals the worldwide changes in people’s attitudes and behaviors towards marriage. According to Coontz, education and the social norms are the reasons why marriage has become nonessential. Being single and going through a divorce are more acceptable now. The motivations of marriage have turned from economic dependence into personal willingness. In fact, Coontz’s words make me wonder the true meaning of marriage. Even though the meaning has changed over times, I believed that I still hope to get married.

In the article “What if Marriage is Bad for Us?” Laurie Essig and Lynn Owens summarize the things that

“Will Your Marriage Last?”, by Aviva Patz, is a cohesive article about marriage and divorce. Aviva Patz is the executive editor of Psychology Today. Patz narrates the story of Ted Huston, a professor at the University of Texas, who followed the lives of 168 couples for 13 years after their wedding date. She was then able to draw conclusions about what makes a couple stay together or end up filing divorce papers. Although marriages and divorce are the themes of this article, it is really about society’s pressure on young people to be perfect.

Stephanie Coontz is a sociologist who is interested in marriage and the change in its structure over the time-span as love became a main proponent of the relationship involved in marriages. In her article, “What 's Love Got to Do With It,” Coontz argues that the more love becomes a part of the equation the less stable the institution of marriage becomes. Marriage at one point was a social contract that bound two families together to increase their property and wealth as well as ally connections. Each party entered into the contract knowing their roles and if one partner failed to meet the expectations, they were still contractually obligated to one another and were not allowed to divorce. As love became part of the equation, each partner was less sure of their obligations and often chose to end their marriages if at all possible.

In Aviva Patz’s “Will Your Marriage Last?” she proposes that marriages can be predicted to either succeed or end in divorce based on certain factors. Based off of a lecture she attended at the American Psychological Association convention in Boston, Patz presents the idea that a marriage’s success can be determined within the first two years and if the relationship shows disillusionment or the “enduring dynamics model.” Patz’s article does not effectively prove her stance on if a marriage can be predicted to last, but rather exemplifies doubt as to if she personally believes in the ideas she offers.

Marriage requires effort and work. Many newlyweds come into a marriage thinking it is easy but do not consider the consequences of marriage that heavily rely on balances and partnership. Marriage is all about compromise. It is important to engage in a premarital program to allow both partners to learn what to expect within a marriage, how to face certain roadblocks, and to better communication when conflict is aroused so that divorce does not become an option. Gottman’s research (2009) has made a significant contribution to the study of relationship and marriage tying unity, harmony, and communication together to make relationship and marriage work. When a couple who does not have consummate love (intimacy, passion, and commitment), they often portray the six indicators of divorce: harsh startup, the Four Horsemen, flooding, body language, failed repair attempts and reflecting on bad memories (Gottman, 2009). Divorce often occurs within the first two years of marriages and almost half of divorces end within the first seven years (Bhutto-Ramirez, 2015).

It is believed that marriages fail due to a lack of affection. As a result, partners seek outside of their marriage to fulfill that void. I agree with the idea that Etzioni details in “Happiness is the Wrong Metric,” “humankind is motivated in part by their quest to live up to their moral commitments.” This is can be true in marriages that persisted for years. It is also assumed that many of these marriages have been through some uncompromising situations which is difficult to say in our current society.

If two people love each other enough to get married, and together choose to form a lifelong commitment, why are so many of these marriages ending? What does marriage mean to people nowadays and why do people decide to get married? Records show us that people have been getting married for as long as the earliest recorded history. There are many benefits for couples who have a successful marriage. When a marriage begins to fail it is usually due to a couple's inability to communicate, lack of a common goal, or a trust vs. mistrust issue; therefore, more so than not, these types of situations will ultimately result in a divorce. The most frequently asked question over the last two decades has been, “Does divorce effect children and how

It is thought that marriages are made in heaven and celebrated on Earth, but how long can they be celebrated for? The question that continues to stump people today, is how a marriage can last for years and even decades at a time. To understand a long-lasting marriage and what makes one prosper, one must first look at the steps it takes to create the foundation of a healthy marriage. The ability to understand extremes is where researchers define the spectrum of normalcy. To begin with, one must figure out what it is that terminates a marriage.

John M. Gottman’s book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work provides insight on the seven fundamental tools to construct positive relationships. Through long years of research, Gottman studied married couples and noted degenerative behaviors that hindered the formation and attainment of a long and healthy marriage. Gottman research focused on several key behavioral predictors of divorce, which he calls the “The Four Horsemen”. Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.

(Glenn T. Stanton.The Ring Makes All the Difference) This seems to be slowly devaluating the importance of marriage and the secrets involved in it. Also, studies have shown that when individuals are cohabiting they don’t fully understand the adaptation that is needed; this comes from the lack of commitment and stableness for that next step.