7 Strategies For Enhancing Marriage

In reading the work by Cloud & Townsend (1999) I found no real weaknesses but only strengths on how to improve a person’s marriage. Boundaries in Marriage are not only for the couples that are experiencing current problems; but for the newlyweds, more seasoned couples, and for the ones who are not yet married. Regardless of the persons situation being able to learn what boundaries are and why they are needed is an important part of a healthy marriage. Cloud & Townsend (1999) describes the values that a person must have in order to have a healthier marriage, this is a strength because they require a person to form a relationship that is closer to God first. If we put God first in our lives in not only

Marriage is an adjustment between two people getting married Communication can cause a relationship to succeed or fail. If you do not share how you feel, it can cause your partner to withdraw. Listening can save a relationship. Schonberg (2011) found that “affective affirmation –basically, behavior that makes your partner feel loved cared for or special plays a role in a happy marriage and those men need it more than women. There are several factors and problems that can cause marriage to either succeed or fail. It is important to discuss problem things left unsaid can cause your partner to with draw.

1) Leadership - Leadership is the number one critical factor in a happy marriage. Wherever you look in society there is a leader - politics, religion, business. Marriage is no different. It requires a leader, a prince charming, to head the family and protect it from danger. Females are genetically programmed to want and need a leader; it dates back to the caveman days and has been kept alive in fairy tales and romantic Mills and Boon novels ever since.

Marriage requires effort and work. Many newlyweds come into a marriage thinking it is easy but do not consider the consequences of marriage that heavily rely on balances and partnership. Marriage is all about compromise. It is important to engage in a premarital program to allow both partners to learn what to expect within a marriage, how to face certain roadblocks, and to better communication when conflict is aroused so that divorce does not become an option. Gottman’s research (2009) has made a significant contribution to the study of relationship and marriage tying unity, harmony, and communication together to make relationship and marriage work. When a couple who does not have consummate love (intimacy, passion, and commitment), they often portray the six indicators of divorce: harsh startup, the Four Horsemen, flooding, body language, failed repair attempts and reflecting on bad memories (Gottman, 2009). Divorce often occurs within the first two years of marriages and almost half of divorces end within the first seven years (Bhutto-Ramirez, 2015).

Conversely, most people perceive marriage as a sanctuary, satisfying the needs of both partners involved. It is one of the most important institutions affecting people’s health and well-being. Firstly, a strong marriage has a dramatic effect on the partners’

Above all, these are the most important reason not to divorce”(Ten Reasons Not to Get a Divorce). Marriage is a commitment to stay together until death. In order to get through the highs and lows of being married you have to be willing to face all issues together and not give up. “There is no perfect marriage. There are no perfect families. Every marriage hits some potholes in the road, and for some, an occasional open manhole cover” (Owens). It is unrealistic to believe that anyone can live with another human being for any length of time without having relationship problems(Owens). A marriage should be based on unconditional love for one another” (Owens). In today’s society people lead busy and hectic lives and don’t want to take the time to work on their marriage. It is easier to quit and move on when things become hard or challenging. Men and women have to reflect on what brought them together in the first

For example, the recipients of repair are those who intend to repair or resolve the issue. The repair can only work between the couple depending on the amount of intimacy and friendship that already exists in the relationship. These two factors are then be used to build the first stage of what they call a love map. One of the fundamental characteristics of the friendship between two individuals is the intimate open ended questions asked by this person and the memorization of the answers. Another characteristic witnessed in the laboratory was the attention given to the partner speaking, for example results showed that those partners who paid more attention to their partner while he was trying to communicate or make a joke were those who continued to be married for a longer period of time. Overall it can all be summarized in seven steps that will allow a relationship to flourish, and those are: enhance your love map, nurture fondness and admiration, this means that it is imperative to be able to remind yourself about the worthiness your partner possesses. The third step is turning toward each other, by giving your partner the attention they crave you are acknowledging their presence and making them feel how important they are to you. The fourth step is to let your partner influence you, by giving each other the respect in decision making for a happy marriage, it

What a great week that I have had learning to love my sweetheart even more. I have learned that when we really listen to our spouse that you will hear them say something that they would like you to do or may not like you to do. Dr. Gottman calls these bids. This is calling for each other’s attention. He tells us that when we do this that it’s like adding it to a bank account. Who would not want more in a bank account? This is what he said. “Each time partners turn toward each other, they are funding what I’ve come to call their emotional bank account. They are building up savings that, like money in the bank, can serve as a cushion when times get rough, when you are faced with a major life stress or conflict. Because they have stored an abundance of goodwill, such couples are less likely to teeter over into distrust and chronic negativity during hard times.” 1

John M. Gottman’s book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work provides insight on the seven fundamental tools to construct positive relationships. Through long years of research, Gottman studied married couples and noted degenerative behaviors that hindered the formation and attainment of a long and healthy marriage. Gottman research focused on several key behavioral predictors of divorce, which he calls the “The Four Horsemen”. Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.

As things in this world seem to go by faster and faster each year; we seldom take the time to remember why we fell in love with our significant other in the first place. While reading “One Love Under God”, by H. Norman Wright, it made me think back to the beginning of my relationship with my husband. Being a divorced mom of a beautiful daughter I wanted someone that could love me the way I desired to be loved and cared for. I had never expected to get a divorce from my first husband, but one to many times of adultery was enough in my books. We had tried and tried to make things work, but he could not change his ways.

Intimacy in marriage is important in its effect on the psychological and emotional closeness of the individuals in the relationship and the health of the relationship itself. The intimacy that develops in a marriage is one that is built over time as couples develop trust between each other. Intimacy does not necessarily always include the physical part of being close to each other and sharing in a sexual context. It encompasses sharing on a deep level in openness, trust, and pure relationship. Marriage itself does not define a pure relationship, but pure relationship can be defined within the bounds of traditional marriage. A pure relationship is one in which each partner has entered into the relationship believing that the relationship is sustainable from what they assume can be derived from each other’s individual contributions (Connidis, 2010, p. 53). It is from these foundations of trust that allows a couple to rely upon each other through life’s circumstances and a deep, lasting attachment and emotional support for each

Coaches should endeavor to help couples restore the joy in their marriage through this beautiful gift from God. Coaches should encourage husbands to cultivate the desire that they have for their wife and vice versa. The little things that are often left undone can make a profound difference when they are all put together. Love looks for a way to express interest and commitment. Scripture gives insight into the power of romance; a kiss can change the outlook of a whole day (Song of Solomon 1:2). Gifts and compliments can stoke the fires of passion (Song of Solomon 1: 9:11). A weekend getaway can communicate interest

Couples would be instructed to practice speaking to one another using statements that symbolizes their admiration and respect for their partner. I would also encourage them to bring forth an ongoing conflict they are currently struggling with, such as difficulty managing chores or financial problems to practice assertive “I” statements. In conjunction, couples in the group will be asked to use open ended questions and notice the strengths of his or her partner, instead of focusing on their negative traits. Couples will be supported in dissecting their language so that they can become aware of the message they are relying to their partner as it is important to avoid transmitting messages of superiority. Lastly, couples will be motivated connect with their significant other by talking about their hopes and dreams. Becoming in tune with their partner and building their love maps will promote couples to reinforce their friendship and most of all, strengthen their

Rather than giving up and ending the marriage, many couples could save the marriage by trying to work through the problems that arise. Many people do not realize how much hard work has to be put into a marriage for it to be successful. When planning a wedding, some couples spend a lot of time preparing the vows that will be exchanged during the ceremony, but sadly the partners fail to live by the vows day after day. Scores of married couples drift apart because their hectic lives do not allow them to spend enough quality time together, which is important for a healthy marriage. Communication is also an essential factor in working through problems in a marriage.

Being able to stay in a successful relationship depends on being part of a team. Supporting the other person, no matter what and being able to handle anger, pride, fear, joy, love, and jealousy. That's the number one thing that people don't understand about marriage, is how much you need to be