"North Eastern Chinese" Stereotypes Essay

1064 Words5 Pages
Writing is always a challenge to me. Before I entered English Composition 2I class, my writing skill is not strong. Grammar, especially, is my weakest point. Although for now, I may not come up with an essay with zero grammar mistakes, I indeed believe that my grammar improves a lot. I also learned how to better structure my paper by logically orientating my paragraphs. I learned that I need bridging sentences and transitional phrases to make my paper flow better. I learned several strategies about writing introduction and conclusion paragraph as well. All the improvements are showed in my final portfolio. In the portfolio, I put in my writing project #2, which is about stereotypes of North Eastern Chinese people, and writing project #3,…show more content…
However, the thesis statement does not indicate the three points that I am going to discuss in the following essay clearly. Some word choices, like overlook, and appearances are wrong. The sentence is very confusing. Thus, I revised the first sentence and made it more like parallel structure in order to deliver the main focus of my paper clearer. I also changed the word overlook to suggest to make the tone not too strong. Here is my thesis for second draft:
The examination of this example supports the experts' idea that people unconsciously carry stereotypes, categorize others into groups and evaluate them with in-group/out-group dynamics, and use facial appearances to formulate stereotypes. Moreover, my example suggests that regional differences may also cause the stereotypes to emerge, and the physical appearances influence stereotypes as well.
I could tell that the thesis is clearer but there were still some small problems. The in-group/out-group dynamic is a bit repetitive because I have mentioned it before so I deleted it. The word physical appearance is not very precise so I change to physiques. Here is my final thesis:
The example supports the experts' ideas that people unconsciously carry stereotypes, categorize and evaluate others in terms of groups, and judge peoples based on their facial appearance. Moreover, the example suggests that people also categorize

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