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Reflection About Anxiety

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Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom. What can be at first a seemingly random chain of auditory reverberations has had the most profound effect on who I am. To hear the frequency and timbre of this string of vibrations hit my cochlea, or to play it in my mind using my auditory loop, elicits the exact same autonomic arousal that hit me the first time I grasp its meaning. This quote has been with me everywhere. The first moment I gave speech to a crowd for over a hundred (Osher Foundation scholarship), the words were dancing in the back of my mind. The first time I met my principle investigator and mentor Karen Dobkins, the quote was on the tip of my tongue. Even, the exact moment my eyes met my future wife for the first time I whispered it under my breath. To feel the effects of the sympathetic nervous system, the biting cold of a cortisol rush, is to know the cursed taste of freedom - of being human. Anxiety simply means that you are alive. I recall the first time I had heard the words. It was a cold Californian evening in October. I was sitting up the bench, alone, overlooking the idyllic suburban highways. Soren Kierkegaard’s The Concept of anxiety has and always will be my favorite book. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Although never fully diagnosed, I did take prescription medicine for a while. Somehow, I convinced myself that my elevated levels of anxiety was a hinderance. I had always been a gifted student, being placed in advanced math courses and reading at a

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