Compare And Contrast Two Spouses

“The Myth of Co-Parenting; How it Was Supposed to Be. How it Was” by Hope Edelman and “My problem with Her Anger” by Eric Bartels both explain the strain child rearing and lack of communication can put upon a marriage. The two articles describe their personal experiences with this issue, but the authors have differing points of view on the subject. Although they have different perspectives, both Edelman and Bartels explore ideas of traditional gender roles and unrealistic expectations in relationships.

She essentially discusses how she does all of these things, but doesn’t get much in return. Another example of pathos in this essay is when she talks specifically about the sexual relationship that a wife and husband have. “I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makes love passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who will not demand sexual attention when I am not in the mood for it.” In this quote, Brady compares the sex that a wife has with her husband to another chore that she does. She shows that there is no mutual emotion or desire between them and that it is more of a duty of a wife rather than a pleasure. Essentially, she compares herself and any other wife to a sex puppet who is just there to service the husband with little to no joy. These two examples make the reader sympathize with Brady and the common housewife because of all of the responsibilities that they have as well as how they get little to no pleasure out of what they have to do. Lastly, Brady’s hasty tone shows her resentment towards divorced men as well as men in general. This allows the audience to understand her feelings on the topic of gender dynamics and it forces the audience to feel that way too.

While Bartels does a poor job at owning up to any of the tension in the marriage, he does understand where his wife is coming from with her anger. He understands the hardships of marriage by saying “I think it’s fairly well established by now that marriage is a challenge, a creaky, old institution that may not have fully adapted itself to modern life, one that now fails in this country more often than not. Put children in the picture and you have an

There is a staggeringly large amount of divorces in the United States (US). In total, the US had a recorded total of 2,140,272 marriages in the year 2014 alone, and of those marriages, 813,862 ended up in divorce or annulment (Center for Disease Control). This means that as recently as 2014, there was a divorce rate of approximately 40%. This supports the statistics that the divorce rate for the US has stayed within 40-50% since the 1970’s (Austin Institute, 2014). While the numbers themselves are important, it is also important that the causes for the high divorce rate be explored, so that it can be known what pitfalls to avoid when participating in such an important union as marriage. There are many causes of divorce in the US such as conflicting gender roles, socioeconomic status, religious conflicts, physical abuse, emotional abuse, alcohol addictions, and many more (Amato & Previti, 2003). This paper will look at many of these reasons, but it will also focus on the differing reasons reported by men and women.

Bartels explains that wives often let out their stress induced, pent up anger on their husbands. He uses his own life and instances he has experienced with his wife to support himself. He describes his wife as tired, angry, and wanting to take that out on him (Bartels 58). Bartels has experienced this spousal anger firsthand, giving him credibility to write about it. He understands how the cycle of spousal anger works. However, his lack of other means of support makes his article fall short in some areas. Whereas telling a personal story may appeal to one reader, it may not appeal to the next. Bartels lacks a balance of logical and emotional appeal. The emotional appeal that Bartels uses is successful, though. He says that at times his wife is so negative that is “threatens to grind [his] spirit to dust” (Bartels 59). This use of emotional language is well executed because any reader will either be able to relate to him or feel sorry for the situation he is in. However, some women may sympathize with him less as they take the side of the wife in his story. His stance is flawed because he comes at this argument at an obviously subjective position. Bartels overlooks the idea that many women will not feel sorry for him if they disagree with what he has to say.

In her article “The Myth of Co-Parenting: How It Was Supposed to Be. How It Was”, author Hope Edelman claims that perhaps the ideal, balanced, and harmonious marriage that many couples yearn for is merely an unachievable myth. Edelman’s anger and frustration drives her essay as she recounts her childhood, analyzes societal gender roles, and narrates her own relationship in order to explore the concept of shared responsibility in a marriage.

In the article “The Myth of Co-Parenting: How It Was Supposed to Be. How It Was.,” author Hope Edelman claims her husband does not put forth effort in their marriage. Edelman discusses the difficulties of parenting with a spouse who is seldom present and her misconception of marriage. In the article “My Problem With Her Anger,” author Eric Bartels claims his wife is angry with him all the time regardless of what he contributes to their family. Bartels discusses how the effort he puts forth in his marriage goes unappreciated and how he thinks his wife’s anger is negatively affecting their marriage. Bartels and Edelman both believe they entered marriage with unrealistic views resulting in dissatisfaction of marriage however, Edelman

Television psychologists and pop culture self-help gurus tell us that marriage is hard work; marriage is compromise; marriage is a choice between being right, and being happy. All of these statements are true. What these experts don’t tell us, however, is that marriage is also about putting on blinders, or looking on the bright side, or one of a hundred other trite phrases to explain the art of self-deception. In marriage, there are times when we may find it necessary to look the other way from our spouse’s faults or indiscretions, in the interest of self-preservation. For if we examine these problems too closely, our darkest, most secret fears may come true. Therefore, it can seem easier to focus on the positive. In her poem “Surprise,” Jane Kenyon uses denial, selective perception, and fear of betrayal to illustrate the self-deception that can occur in marriage.

Over seven billion people living on earth we are all diverse in our characteristics. We live in societies made up with laws and don’t have the freedom to exploit another person right. People who disobey laws and misuses another person rights are known as morally sick and selfish. They never bear the shame of their actions and always fails to understand others. While laws only ensure peace in a society, families that makes a society needs better understanding between a husband and a wife. Now with divorce rate that is growing higher by each year, Sociologists and psychologists are pointing many aspects and actions of couple that must be taken into consideration before we expect a happy life. Among them “Mark Karpel”, “Abraham Maslow” and

In the article “What if Marriage is Bad for Us?” Laurie Essig and Lynn Owens summarize the things that

“Will Your Marriage Last?”, by Aviva Patz, is a cohesive article about marriage and divorce. Aviva Patz is the executive editor of Psychology Today. Patz narrates the story of Ted Huston, a professor at the University of Texas, who followed the lives of 168 couples for 13 years after their wedding date. She was then able to draw conclusions about what makes a couple stay together or end up filing divorce papers. Although marriages and divorce are the themes of this article, it is really about society’s pressure on young people to be perfect.

Marriage is a full-time job on its own and people should communicate with each other in order to have a healthy marriage for them to love and appreciate each other so they can grow old together. Most of us know by now that the fairy tale happily ever after stories are full of holes. Carver emphasizes that when there is no communication in the marriage the wife starts to feel unhappy and frustrated with him. The wife’s attitude with her husband suggests that the marriage doesn’t seem to be working for her. Carver states, “My wife finally took her eyes off the blind man and looked at me. I had the feeling she didn’t like what she saw. I shrugged (38). ” There was unhappiness in the marriage and the narrator and his wife didn’t seem to get along. In other words the

Among many of the narrator’s flaws, one that certainly comes to mind is his complete lack of care towards his 2nd wife. “I loathed her with a hatred belonging more to demon than to man”. This quote demonstrates his feeling towards the way he was towards his second wife was atrocious, and in our eyes unforgivable. He first gets into this new marriage for no other apparent reason other than her being very much the opposite of his first wife, for whom he truly loved. This contrast between the two wives manifests itself in ugly ways as he quickly learns that neither of them love each other. In the story the narrator states the wife’s feelings towards his anger; “That my wife dreaded the fierce moodiness of my temper --that she shunned me and loved me but little”. This quote demonstrates the conflict created when he remarried because he is constantly longing for his first wife, making the opposites of this new wife trigger points for his outbursts. In the end it was this desire for his

His wife was barren and this causes him to be contemptuous toward her. This was the attribution to why he did not read her book. An attribution is how individuals explain behavior and event causes. So when she published a book he thought nothing of it. Until a lot of people began to question him about her success. The dissonance was a result of being overshadowed by his bland wife. People that he knew and those he did not recognized him for his wife’s achievements rather than his own. He was bitter as a result, for the parties she was invited to and he acted annoyed when they did attend. This prompts him to read the book that she published to see if it was as good as everyone was saying. This dealt an even bigger blow to his self-concept because of the passionate love affair that his wife wrote about. He found it hard to believe that his wife was involved in an affair. The Attributions were again because he considered her to be bland and that no one would actually love her. The book caused him so much dissonance that he decided to put a private detective on his wife. He is desperate to socially compare himself to this man his wife wrote about. He wanted to know what he did for a living. He thought she had to be really fond of the gentleman in order to hate him so

They 'll think we 're insane” (146). One can see how ashamed he is toward they things his wife does. This is another example of a conflict which deeply shows his feeling towards the women he supposed to to spend his life with.