Tubbs

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Germanna Community College *

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111

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English

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Feb 20, 2024

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docx

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1 Brainfuse Response Form Welcome to the Writing Lab! Analysis and recommendations regarding specific parts of your paper are included in the tutor response form. A copy of your paper is also posted below this form, and it includes additional comments in brackets. If you do not see the tutor’s comments or a tutor’s review appears to be missing, please contact info@brainfuse.com . For specific questions about your paper, please resubmit through the Brainfuse Writing Lab. Thank you for choosing the Writing Lab. Best wishes with your revisions! Part 1 – Organization Based on the requirements, it seems you need to focus your paper on the causes of the problem you focused on in your prewriting worksheet: “You will have the option of choosing the topic you are going to write on based upon the community based problem you explore in the prewriting worksheet. The focus, then, will be on exploring the causes for that specific problem. ” However, your current discussion focuses on both the causes and effects of building town centers near housing communities. When you revise, you can check with your instructor to make sure you only include the required details. You can remove the details about the effects if you’re only required to talk about the causes. Part 2 – Development Similarly, your thesis doesn’t yet seem to focus on the required topic, and it doesn’t accurately introduce the current topics since it only focuses on the effects. When you revise, make sure your thesis clearly introduces the causes of building town centers near housing communities. What led to this problem? Make sure your thesis will completely introduce the topics in the revised body paragraphs. Part 3 – Formatting and Style You don’t yet in-text cite your sources in some instances. To avoid plagiarism, make sure you cite the sources whenever you borrow ideas. Here's an example: The lowest livable wage in Stafford is $22.42 an hour, which is $46,634 a year, for an adult with no children. Where did you get this information? You can cite the author’s surname and publication date at the end: 1 out of 5 families are affected by the traffic (Jones, 2019).
2 Another issue is the comma splices like this one: So far, we have talked about the causes and effects of town centers built near housing communities separately , now we are now going to talk about them together. Joining two independent clauses using only a comma creates a comma splice, which might confuse your readers. You can use a semicolon or a period instead of a comma or add a coordinating conjunction like and, or, but, yet, or so after the comma. Make sure you fix all the comma splices in the draft when you revise. Useful Links: Organization & Development: For additional assistance with organization and development, please use the Brainfuse Essential Guides. You can view the guides by clicking on the links below: Organization Guide: https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1548955157024.pdf Development Guide: https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1548955225649.pdf Grammar, Usage, and Mechanics For additional assistance identifying and editing errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics, please use the Brainfuse Essential Grammar Guides.  You can view the guide by clicking on this link below: Grammar Guide: https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1611937972116.pdf If you would like a review focused on your grammar, usage, and mechanics, please request a grammar only review in the comment box. Formatting Please use the Brainfuse Style Guides for information on citation formatting. APA – 6th Edition : https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1514394321264.pdf APA – 7th Edition: https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1579205682683.pdf MLA – 8th Edition : https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1514393937280.pdf MLA – 9th Edition: https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1lgbht79g1peg_19blo22cq6ryl.pdf Chicago Style : https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1515512833067.pdf
3 Please make all changes to your own original file to maintain your intended formatting, headers, and footers. How Town Centers Effect Housing Communities Grace Tubbs Germanna Community College ENG 111: College Composition Professor John Castellarin November 13 th , 2023
4 How Town Centers Effect [review “affect” and “effect.” Then, decide which one fits here.] Housing Communities Building town centers less than a mile from housing communities has a positive and negative effect on people who live in the housing communities. Town centers are designed to attract people to the neighborhood , this leads to a more positive and profitable community with multiple businesses to bring in a tax profit. [comma splice. What punctuation can you use instead of a comma?] The negative to this is the traffic that easily builds up around and in the town centers. Therefore, with the town center being so close to the housing communities, it causes traffic buildup and could possibly cause more crime. Town centers typically make people happy because this means stores and restaurants are closer to home, which is great. Yet, people often don’t think of the negatives while it’s being built, but once traffic builds up and people start having to leave earlier to get to places, whether it is work or doing errands, they complain. The Causes of Town Centers Near Housing Communities The areas that most people in Virginia live in are very urbanized areas. The communities are very close together around Stafford. Everyone expects there to be town centers near their homes for easy access. Town centers have opened many opportunities for jobs and easy access to restaurants, stores, and gas stations. [this looks like an effect. Since the paragraph is about the causes, consider reorganizing] It is very convenient for everyone in the neighboring housing communities. They are currently still working on some restaurants and a gas station in the town center in Stafford. Further down the street [missing comma-we usually place a comma after the introductory element] they are building more restaurants around the corner from the current town
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