20230226_jada_ESSAY402804

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School

Houston Community College *

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Course

1301

Subject

English

Date

Jan 9, 2024

Type

docx

Pages

4

Uploaded by jadagotkicks

Pearson Tutor Services Response Form Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay. Thank you for choosing Pearson Tutor Services' Online Writing Center to help you improve your writing! Hello, Jada! My name is Josh G., and I look forward to working with you on this Pearson Tutor Services Essay Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started! *Writing Strength: You zone in on one point of contrast for every body paragraph in your essay. Doing this enables your readers to digest key details one at a time without being overwhelmed with too much information. Great work! Organization I noticed that your body paragraphs do not consistently have topic sentences that preview the point of comparison between you and your brother. This is evident in your first body paragraph as can be seen in the following line: My brother is somebody who has a lot of personal beliefs that are rooted in Christianty. Here, you only preview your brother's belief, which does not provide an accurate forecast of the point of comparison being developed in this body paragraph. This does not let you comply with your assignment's need for a clear and accurate topic sentence for each body paragraph. Let's consider a different structure you could use instead: One difference between my brother and I is our ______________. In the sample above, you could preview the point of contrast being discussed in the body paragraph. How would you be able to apply variations of this structure to your succeeding topic sentences? *jada 13638762 has requested that you respond to the Content Development: At one point in your discussion, you mention how you and your brothers along with your cousins signed up for a talent competition to which you did not have the full confidence to commit. However, no further insight into what this says about the dynamics of your relationship is provided. Adding further explanation regarding this may help emphasize the point of contrast between the two of you. What did this occurrence say about your difference in confidence and in interacting with other people? How does this emphasize that you are on opposite sides of the spectrum? What are the larger implications of this idea? *jada 13638762 has requested that you respond to the Transitions: Some of your sentences lack transition words that denote contrast. Let's have a look at this example: In school I was the same way, and most of the friends I made was because people approached me and got to know me. My brother is a social butterfly in his natural element. As you can see, in the second sentence, you immediately mention your brother's attribute without any transition word to introduce that you are highlighting a point of contrast. This might throw of some of your readers as there is no clear distinction between the ideas. Take a look at how this is addressed in the following example: My sisters always do things spontaneously. I, on the other hand , like to make sure that everything goes as planned. Note how a transitional phrase (italicized) is used to denote contrast. You may do further reading on Smooth Transitons in the Writer's Handbook . Summary of Next Steps:
Craft clear, accurate, and consistent topic sentences. Expound on the underdeveloped ideas being presented. Observe the use of transitions to denote contrasting ideas. Thank you for submitting your essay for a review, Jada. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! ~Josh G. _________________________________________________________________________________ Please look for more comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Pearson Tutor Services! We hope to see you again soon. Same Blood, Different Species It is truly crazy how you can be raised in the exact same environment, with the exact same upbringing and still manage to be completely different from your sibling. [Consider giving a brief overview of how you were brought up. How would you describe your lifestyle? What notable experiences have you shared together?] My older brother and I are only two years apart in age but could not be further apart when it comes to who we are as individuals. Although we do share a few things that make us obviously related, we live on different planets mentally. Our differences often causes us to have heated arguments and a lot of general disagreements. My brother is somebody who has a lot of personal beliefs that are rooted in Christianty. He often reads the bible and will make a lot of references to many of the books. He is not what I would call a bible thumper, but he does try to justify a lot of his views by using the bible. His personal opinions on topics like abortion rights, and homosexuality are usually the quickest ways to get me and him wrapped up in a big debate. On the contrary, he is someone who likes to go out every weekend to the clubs or lounges for drinks and to smoke. He is also no stranger to having a variety of “lady friends” that never end up being anything close to a wife. As for me, I am a person that is the exact opposite. Although I have the same christian upbringing, I am not religious at all. I have syncretic beliefs that include elements of different spiritual systems, but I don’t subscribe to one religion. I am also a queer woman, who does not believe that people who are apart of the LGBTQ community are commiting a sin just by loving who they love. He has a faux liberal point of view with heavy conservative undertones, while I am a free spirited liberal thinking person. He does not show any signs of changing his perspective and learning because he truly believes in his heart that he is correct. I never back down when our opinions clash either, because I feel very strongly about being apart of marginalized groups. We are the epitome of apples and oranges. This is a very potent recipe for disaster at most
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