Research Draft-6167414-kcrsea2tlzka_14cmetaafxb66

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Illinois Central College *

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110

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English

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Jan 9, 2024

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Mya Ziegler English 110-2728 Professor Melissa Valen October 15, 2023, Research Paper Draft Brainfuse Response Form Welcome to the Writing Lab! Analysis and recommendations regarding specific parts of your paper are included in the tutor response form. A copy of your paper is also posted below this form, and it includes additional comments in brackets. If you do not see the tutor’s comments or a tutor’s review appears to be missing, please contact info@brainfuse.com . For specific questions about your paper, please resubmit through the Brainfuse Writing Lab. Thank you for choosing the Writing Lab. Best wishes with your revisions! Part 1 – Organization You discuss several of the prompts in the current draft. According to your assignment description, you are only supposed to choose one of the prompts for your paper, but your current draft discusses both the possibility for racism to disappear and the novel, The Hate U Give. Make sure to focus only on one prompt throughout the essay. What question do you want to answer in your paper? What is your answer to that question? Focus and elaborate on that answer to avoid confusing your readers with multiple topics. Topic sentences are another issue in the draft. For example, you begin the third paragraph with a direct quote from an article, making readers think that you are only summarizing that article in that paragraph. Write clear topic sentences that present your own main idea for each body paragraph. Part 2 – Development You do not fully explain some of the points in your current draft. As an example, in your discussion of the novel, you state that the main character must act differently in her prep school, but you do not explain how that act of blending in relates to racism. What does it mean if she has to act differently in school? What does that prove about racism in society? What impact can that portrayal in the story have on racism and the youth? Part 3 – Formatting and Style There are formatting issues in the draft. For example, you currently place a heading on the upper right side of each page. When writing an MLA paper, you usually only have a heading on the upper left side of the first page. This heading should include your name, the instructor’s name, the course name and number, and the date. On the upper right corner of every page, you only need to write your last name and the page number. The use of contractions is another issue in the draft. Consider this excerpt: “The still isn’t the same as we know.” A contraction is a combination of several words. When writing an academic

Mya Ziegler English 110-2728 Professor Melissa Valen October 15, 2023, Research Paper Draft paper, you are expected to avoid the use of contractions. Make sure to use the full words instead. Here are some examples: isn’t (is not), it’s (it is), she’s (she is), they’re (they are). Useful Links: Organization & Development: For additional assistance with organization and development, please use the Brainfuse Essential Guides. You can view the guides by clicking on the links below: Organization Guide: https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1548955157024.pdf Development Guide: https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1548955225649.pdf Grammar, Usage, and Mechanics For additional assistance identifying and editing errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics, please use the Brainfuse Essential Grammar Guides. You can view the guide by clicking on this link below: Grammar Guide: https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1611937972116.pdf If you would like a review focused on your grammar, usage, and mechanics, please request a grammar only review in the comment box. Formatting Please use the Brainfuse Style Guides for information on citation formatting. APA – 6th Edition : https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1514394321264.pdf APA – 7th Edition: https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1579205682683.pdf MLA – 8th Edition : https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1514393937280.pdf MLA – 9th Edition: https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1lgbht79g1peg_19blo22cq6ryl.pdf Chicago Style : https://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1515512833067.pdf Please make all changes to your own original file to maintain your intended formatting, headers, and footers. “Will it never end!” In society [Place a comma after this introductory phrase to separate it from the main sentence.] we are still facing hardships. African Americans are still be [unnecessary word] profiled for things that don’t make us who we are. From how we dress and present ourselves to

Mya Ziegler English 110-2728 Professor Melissa Valen October 15, 2023, Research Paper Draft the hairstyles we hair [word choice] they create different stereotypes to make it okay to kill us. The still isn’t the same as we know. Everyday is something different whether is someone being brutally killed or beaten. A world without racism, will we ever see it. A young woman like me grew up on the south side of Peoria. I’ve watched many people I grew up either be killed by police or profiled by the police. Just imagine, you and a group of your friends going to the store just to get candy to walking out the store to being harassed by the people that’s supposed to protect us. It’s [Since you are writing an academic paper, you should avoid the use of this contraction. What two words make up this contraction?] devastating that one day you will have kids and they may go through what you went through history repeats itself when does this stop. In an article I read by Kevin Powell called, “Will racism ever end, will I ever stop being a nigger?” he says, “I wonder if it actually matters, I came up from the ghetto”. He often questions whether it is important, he was raised in the slum. This day in [word choice] age most jobs focus on your background where you come from. For African Americans [missing comma] we face systematic obstacles that makes it hard to land on a high paying job. Just because of the color of your skin [missing comma] you can’t get treated as equal with a white people that has the same background as you, attended the same school they will likely be offered a better position because of their ethnicity. In the novel ‘The Hate U Give” by Angie Thomas [missing comma] it highlights events that occur in a young teenage girl life. She’s [You do not need the apostrophe and the last letter in this word.] struggles between her primarily black world Garden Heights which she lives and

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