Hello Latasha, I hope everything is well with your son and I understand your lack of posting because I believe family comes first no matter what. I am happy to see that the brownie is back in the story and you have done a great job switching between first and third person. I am still in love with the first sentence because it really draws you into the story and makes the reader understand exactly how the mood is feeling. It also shows the reader a glimpse into the setting and what kind of conditions this place had. There were a couple of mechanical things I would like to point out to you that I feel can be fixed easily with a good reread. The first thing I noticed was the story switches between past and present tense; something I tend to do all the time and can easily be read over, but can be confusing for some readers. The second thing I noticed was a bunch of run on sentences that created paragraphs; what I mean is that it may look like a paragraph, but it 's actually two very long sentences that can be cut down into shorter sentences. The last mechanical thing I noticed was some punctuation and grammar errors that can be spotted with a grammar website like Paperrater or Grammerly. I am #1 when it comes to screwing up grammar and punctuation so I use both of them to check my piece and even then I still miss stuff. Usually at that point I hand it off to my sister. Have a family member, friend, coworker or even stranger read your piece you will get and idea of where
Lindy West was able to communicate with her online troll in a way that helped her to understand why he said all those negative things to her. In one of Lindy’s conversations with her online troll she discussed with him why he chose her to harass. Lindy was able to demonstrate Carter’s three steps of integrity by discerning from what is right and what is wrong. Lindy was able to understand that it was wrong of her online troll to makeup a fake profile of her father who passed away. Secondly, Lindy also acted on what she discerned on what is right and wrong even at a personal cost by confronting her troll. Lindy was able to find out more answers on why the online troll harassed her. Lindy said to her troll, “How did you even find out that my dad died? How did you?” (West 2015). Therefore, Lindy demonstrated true integrity according to Carter because she was able to decipher between what is right and what is wrong even at a personal cost. Overall, Lindy’s bravery could have back fired on her when she confronted her troll, however it just showed how much integrity she really has. Lastly, Lindy was able to demonstrate her integrity skills according to Carter by openly saying that she understands what is right and what is wrong. Lindy did that by evaluating the troll attacks instead of arguing back with her troll she just confronted him. In conclusion, I believe that Lindy greatly followed the steps of Carter’s integrity in a positive manner. Lindy interacted with her trolls in a
Three people from three different backgrounds all with their own unique stories. It is amazing how diverse the world can be. Despite being so different these three people are all vastly similar in the methods they use to sway an audience. Daniel, the writer of The Necessity believes that parades are essential. This very simple display of culture allows normal everyday people the chance to escape from their deeply depressing lives and show a bit of pride. Fong, the writer of Rice for Thanksgiving has a particularly interesting reflection on his family history. Despite the troubles they went through due to discrimination he still believes in the melting pot that is America. Chelsey the writer of Taking the Bus talks about how her experiences with new and strange people on the bus have changed her outlook on life. The interactions with these people give her some perspective on how her life fits in in the grand scheme of things. All of these stories are different yet they all do one very similar thing. They use the human capacity for sympathy as a means of swaying the reader.
Overall, the essay seemed to lack flow as a result of a noticeable absence of transition words. The essay had bad syntax. Each paragraph seemed to be scenario after scenario and each sentence seemed to be idea after idea. For example, in the first paragraph, the list consisted of multiple sentences, instead of just one sentence with commas. “But they are few: Being mistaken for a wheat field by a cloud of locusts. Being buried alive”...“Interviews from film festivals.”, this seemed like an awful way to list ideas. In addition, the fourth paragraph of the essay was made up of only 2 sentences, one
My first attempt at telling this story wasn’t the best. Aside from grammatical errors I lacked that passion that I needed to invoke in order for the story to come to life and I also left out details. As far as changes go, I changed about seventy-five percent of the entire story, which includes me just rewording certain parts of the story I also added more to it as well. Compared to my first draft I left out certain details in my final piece such as the protagonist having a sister, due to the fact that she really didn’t play a hug role in the story since she was so young, also because it was a recommendation from some of my peers.
In the book Sista Tongue by Lisa Kanae, she talks about the communication issues that effected her family and how speech change the way people view each other. Throughout the book she mentions a piece that can relate to technology in the generation we live in and how it shapes the way we communicate, “ There is no excuse for pidgin spoken by native Hawaiians who had the advantages of American education. Perhaps I have a mania on the subject, but I am convinced that unless a person can speak well, he cannot think well. Substituting the expression, “da kine” for every word lacking in one’s vocabulary is not only an indication of verbal poverty, but of limited capacity for thought as well” (Sista Tongue). With the technology today, people have the resources to modify the way we communicate with one another.
The paragraphs are also very choppy and need to be revised to flow much better.
In the short story collection, Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri, immigrants and memories have a very particular relationship because their memories surrounding a large part of their identities are derivative of diaspora. Somehow they are able to have this double consciousnesses, the memories and thoughts as immigrants, and the memories and thoughts as Americans. The time spent in their native country or in their host country cannot be replaced, even if the experiences immigrants encounter are negative. Even if the immigrant misses what they have lost migrating to another country, what is lost cannot come back. There is a constant battle between how much and how little memories do the Indian-American characters in the book have of being either Indian or American to be “Indian-American.”
Death engenders ambivalence while questions lead to a tenuous connection with God. Death can galvanize the mind to a point of questioning that is so dangerous, it can rob from your innocence. This is true for children such as Antonio from the novel Bless Me Ultima by Rudolfo Anaya. As a child, Antonio was spoon fed a false sense of reality in which he would be a priest but death cleared his vision to the real world. In which good people die and God isn 't just or almighty. Anaya expertly crafted the novel in a way that the death of characters such as Lupito, Narciso, and Florence foreshadow that ambivalence in Antonio. Death at the time of birth and tranquility breeds indecision.
Life is full of cohesive decisions, nothing makes the facile. But the worst ones are your personal koans and tormenting ambivalence is just the sense of satori rising. Eventually allowing a new sense of understanding and openmindness towards life greatest questions. Throughout this novel Bless Me Ultima B: Rodolfo Anaya Antonio is gradually tormented by his conflicting ideals directly caused by the deaths of three figures. Each death has Antonio slowly
Joy Kogawa’s novel, ‘Obasan’, starts with Naomi Nakane’s diary, which is about her favourite memory with her uncle, who she seems to have a special relationship with, however her uncle suddenly faces death. Naomi continues the book with her and her uncle’s wife, Obasan’s response to his death, and memories of the rest of her family. Within Naomi’s calm narrative, there are numerous emotions that are not necessarily positive; it contains subtle sense of darkness, loneliness, nostalgia, and anger. From the beginning to the end of chapter five, Naomi is surrounded by questions, that she’s been seeking throughout her whole life, but convinced that she will never find the answers to.
Jalapeno bagels is about a boy named Pablo whom cannot decide what to take to school for International Day. He wants to bring something from his parents’ baker. He wants something that represent his heritage but he cannot decide what to bring. His mother who is Mexican baked pan dulce and change bars. His father who is Jewish baked bagels and challah. Both of the bake good were good but while helping his parents with the bakery on Sunday morning, Pablo made a decision on what to bring. He decided to bring jalapeno bagels because they are a mixture both of his parents and just like him too. The multicultural representations in the story line is Mexican and Jewish. The pictures that were drawn in the book, the family has the same color of skin even though the parents are different cultures and the main character is mixed. There were no different skin colors.
In her suburban master bedroom, Suzie McKinnon, stares at the plastic lizard labeled “Caymen Islands” on the shelf. Suzie is a traveler. She has gone on many cruises and vacations with her husband. She can’t remember going to the Islands. She can’t remember buying the lizard. She can’t even remember any moments of her marriage. She looks again at the lizard and explains that she makes assumptions about the vacation, but there is no personal connection.
Throughout the entirety of the Caribbean history there have been many myths. One of the greater ones has been that the indigenous people that Christopher Columbus encountered are extinct. The book’s author, Tony Castanha, debunks that myth with stories of resistance to Columbus retold by people with Boriken descent, uncovering census data, and the retelling of the old Jibaro culture. With all this evidence, it is apparent that the Jibaro people are in fact not extinct.
With Lee in Virginia by G. A. Henty illustrates the adventures of Vincent Wingfield, an heir to a Virginia plantation known as the Orangery, before, during, and just after he fights for the South as a part of the calvary, even though he is only 16. During the story, he lives with his mother and sisters, because just after he came back from school in England, his father died.
The revision process is never easy to begin, but Professor Delp’s comments were definitely a great starting place. The main suggestions were to make sure that everything was in present tense, cutting down on wordy passages, and correcting some stiff language.