Infidelity Essay

In the 1970’s, divorce was relatively uncommon and difficult to happen. There needed to be adultery, abandonment, cruelty, intoxication or some other reason that made it necessary to end the marriage (“Why”). In today’s society, divorce happens every ten to thirteen seconds. Men and women fall in love, get married, and start a family. They make a vow to stay together forever and love each other unconditionally. However, not all marriages make it that far. Divorce occurs for multiple reasons such as financial problems, abuse, addictions, infidelity (cheating), and lack of communication. These factors, along with many others, not only affect the parents, but the children are affected as well.

Modern, contemporary society’s mindset on marriage has shifted considerably over the years. Some research has noted the increase in early sexual experiences, greater acceptance of cohabitation and the increase in narcissistic tendencies, are complicating and muddying the ideals of what marriage means to people today. Research done on this subject resulted in several studies that found that spouses who did not believe that marriage would last forever, were less likely to commit to the relationship financially and were more likely to have extramarital affairs.

Throughout time, practices that were once never used, become more common. In the 1600s divorce was a forbidden practice or a last resort. Since then, laws have changed, and so hasn’t the stigma related with divorce. The guilt and fault that divorce once carried has vanished. According to the book Should I Keep Trying to Work it out, “In the United States, researchers estimate that 40%–50% of all first marriages will end in divorce or permanent separation. The risk of divorce is even higher for second marriages, about 60%.” (Hawkins 42). As it became more common for couples in America to separate, divorce gradually became a normal part of so many lives. Why are so many couples separating now? Through research on EBSCO, and other findings, I will attempt to explain this question that so many people ask in today’s world. The divorce rate in America is drastically increasing over time due to new laws, certain generations, and relationship issues.

There are many ways in which infidelity can be explained depending on what you are reading or with whom you are speaking. Emotional and sexual infidelity is the two most studied forms of infidelity. The cognitive approach to infidelity explains that as our cognition is developing, we are also indirectly learning behaviors that could contribute to infidelity as adults. Infidelity no matter what the circumstances are surrounding it can leave both partners devastated. The circumstances surrounding infidelity can include a broad range excuses. The evolutionary approach to infidelity explains that men are more distressed by their partners committing sexual infidelity, whereas

Marriage requires effort and work. Many newlyweds come into a marriage thinking it is easy but do not consider the consequences of marriage that heavily rely on balances and partnership. Marriage is all about compromise. It is important to engage in a premarital program to allow both partners to learn what to expect within a marriage, how to face certain roadblocks, and to better communication when conflict is aroused so that divorce does not become an option. Gottman’s research (2009) has made a significant contribution to the study of relationship and marriage tying unity, harmony, and communication together to make relationship and marriage work. When a couple who does not have consummate love (intimacy, passion, and commitment), they often portray the six indicators of divorce: harsh startup, the Four Horsemen, flooding, body language, failed repair attempts and reflecting on bad memories (Gottman, 2009). Divorce often occurs within the first two years of marriages and almost half of divorces end within the first seven years (Bhutto-Ramirez, 2015).

Data published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology suggests some 25% of men and 15% of women will be unfaithful to their partner at some point in their relationship. This data reveals that affairs can and do occur even in what many would consider a happy relationship. The statistical data fails to do justice to the emotional trauma that is caused by infidelity. Thankfully, there is hope for affair recovery Little Rock, AR through focused therapy.

Infidelity is one of the most challenging issues that come up in marital therapy for the simple fact that it usually layers a major issue (the infidelity) over other major issues (finances, intimacy, communication) and each layer involves a unique and, at times, competing set of interventions. The latter grouping is usually very receptive to skills work; once capacity to work through the issues within the couple is developed the problems or issues facing the couple tend to create less distress in the relationship or are resolved, although the issue around intimacy tends to be a bit more complicated. When infidelity is thrown into the mix these other issues are typically not seen as the priority by one or both spouses and even discussing these underlying factors can prove difficult as the infidelity typically acts as a contagion.

In today’s society it seems that divorce is as common as marriage. Statistics have shown that 50% of all marriages will end in divorce. In looking at the information available I decided to look at common causes of divorce and look how each one affects the marriage and creates dissension and animosity in the relationship.

Marriage used to be a long-life institution once established between two people. Even in troublesome times, people struggled to remain married for the sake of their children and to prevent the criticism of society. Today, however, this norm has been relaxed with the 700 % increase in divorce that America has seen since the early 1900’s. This accepted deviance once created chaotic opposition. However, today it is more common for a marriage to fail. Surprise and admiration are gained if a marriage lasts more than five years. In essence, it could be argued that the relaxation of this norm has created more irresponsibility and selfishness in society leaving children in the midst of a break-up.

Unfortunately, cheating in a relationship is caused by the need for fulfillment. Many of those who cheat, whether they’re happy with their significant other or not, something is inevitably missing. No matter if the reason for marital/romantic infidelity is purely lust-driven, or a craving for love and affection, cheating exists as a psychological, and conscious, decision. In fact, in many of the recorded instances in case studies found online, there were instances of cheating most commonly at a shocking 20% for individuals in their 40’s (PsychologyToday.com). This information shows that cheating causes emotional hurt to anyone, no matter what their

In the second study, Atkins et al. (2010) studied over a thousand married couples from Europe where a small percentage (27%) named infidelity as a major issue in their marriage. A year and a half after therapy, each couples marriage improved greatly, and even more so the couples who had experienced the extramarital affairs.

It is imperative to acknowledge the seriousness on extramarital affairs because of the detrimental effects they can have on both the guilty and injured individuals. Marriage is a life-long commitment between two individuals and the incident of infidelity compromises the marriage relationship and results in a very difficult road back to normalcy. Couples therapy has a long, verifiable record for successfully treating marital discord and P. Dews (personal communication, March 26, 2016) believes that couples seriously considering reconciliation should work through their situation under the guidance of an experienced counsellor. Although there are different approaches to the successful treatment of extramarital marital affairs, the most successful methods including relapse prevention planning and forgiveness (Cordova, 2006, p. 193).

It was the introduction of non-fault divorces that caused a major spike in the divorce rate. Since divorce became more socially accessible, it is questionable if the ease of a divorce causes lower levels of commitment between couples (Issitt, 2016). Marriage may simply be a few words mumbled by a priest that creates a superficial bond, one easily broken. The work of George Middleton, “questions the values of the iconic ‘good woman,’ namely, the woman who remains married ‘for better or for worse,’ and who remains steadfast even when love has fled and adultery follows” (Levitt, 2015, para.

This paper looks to achieve a better perspective of how infidelity is viewed through the lens of different cultures, and how it impacts these cultures, specifically looking at African-American, Hispanic-Americans, and Asian-American cultures. The topic of cultural views on infidelity in general terms is understood as there being unfaithfulness between partners in a relationship, whether it be emotional, sexual, or a combination of both. It is for the most part a behavior frowned upon worldwide. There are many reasons why infidelity may occur within a relationship. Individuals that do not feel emotional support or feels apathetic run a greater risk for infidelity (Allen et al., 2005). Other risky attitudes include poor communication, which is made up of fewer positive and more negative interactions (Allen et al., 2008).

“DIVORCE” – Just the sound of such word in any married couple or children’s ear can cause great agony that can even become terminal. Research and personal experience, has proven that in today's society, divorce is more common amongst newlyweds. Since 2009 the rate of divorce has increased to approximately forty percent, There are three out of every ten marriage that ends up in divorce before it reaches the stage of maturity, and the most prevalent results are – lack of communication and infidelity.