ECON ESSAY

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School

University of Guelph *

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Course

2110

Subject

Economics

Date

Apr 3, 2024

Type

docx

Pages

9

Uploaded by MegaCrocodile647

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DRAFT What’s Working: Your body paragraphs are organized by separate supporting points; this is made especially clear through your use of topic sentences. This helps your audience preview and better follow the supporting points of your essay. It also strengthens the organization of your essay. What Needs Work: I’ve chosen three priorities to focus on as you revise. Overall Focus/Cohesion Your thesis statement could benefit from a revision so that it includes more important detail about your main idea. A thesis statement includes the essay's topic, main idea, and sometimes the supporting points. When a thesis statement is missing important information about the main idea of an essay, the audience may struggle to preview and understand the main idea of the essay. Let's take a look at your current thesis statement: - The response from the Canadian Government to the Covid-19 pandemic has had ramifications on Canadian society that we will be experiencing long in the future. Your current thesis statement shows your audience that your essay's main idea will focus on the ramifications on Canadian society that were caused by the COVID-19 pandemic. However, you are missing important information about your main idea that helps your audience both see and preview if these ramifications were negative or positive. This may cause your audience to not fully understand the main idea of your essay. Consider revising your thesis to fully reflect and state the main idea of your essay. This can improve your audience's understanding of your main idea as well as the support and analysis that follow in the body of your essay. Here are some questions to help you with this revision: -What kind of ramifications can this cause? -Are these negative or positive ramifications? How/why? You can use these questions to help you in revising your thesis statement so that it fully reflects the main idea of your essay. This can help your audience easily preview your main idea, which can strengthen their understanding of your supporting points, outside support, and analysis that follow in the body of your essay. It can also improve the overall focus/cohesion of your essay. Content Development There are some pieces of support in your essay that could benefit from added explanation. Explanation helps the audience see why the support is being used. When explanation is missing or not enough detail is provided, the audience could have a harder time understanding what the support means, how it supports the body paragraph's topic, and how it supports the main idea of the essay. Let's look at a piece of support from your essay that could benefit from added explanation: - Some argue that it is vital for the protection of our health, safety, and overall well being, and others argue that the concept as a whole hurts the Canadian economy more than Canada as a whole has benefited from it.  You include support here that states that some argue that masks were vital for the protection of our health, safety, and well-being as well as others arguing that the concept as a whole hurt the Canadian economy more than it helped Canada as a whole. However, there is some important explanation here that helps your audience fully understand how and why some argued that these mask mandates
negatively impacted Canada, its economy, and its people. This could cause your audience to not fully understand this piece of support here. Consider adding more explanation to this piece of support as this can help your audience better understand this support and its connection to both your body paragraph's topic and the main idea of your essay. Here are some questions to consider: -Why do they believe that it hurt the Canadian economy? -How do they believe it hurt the Canadian economy as a whole more than the people who benefitted from wearing masks? -What does this show about the ramifications from the pandemic? These questions can help you in adding more explanation to this piece of support above. This can help your audience better understand this support, its connection to your body paragraph's topic, and its relation to the main idea of your essay. After you add explanation here, consider looking at each piece of support used in your essay. Does clear explanation follow? Does it show your audience what this support means? How it supports your body paragraph's topic? How it supports your main idea? If not, consider adding explanation to these pieces of support in your essay. This can improve your audience's understanding of your support, supporting points, and main idea, thus strengthening the content development of your essay. Transitions You have some important and/or differing ideas in your essay that could benefit from added transitions. Transitions are an explicit way to show the audience how different ideas in an essay are related. When clear transitions are missing, the audience may struggle to understand these important ideas and how they are connected to one another. Let's look at a part of your essay that could benefit from an added transition: - This would be very beneficial for their industry as a lobbyist would influence the government to not put these regulations in place as they know that these regulations would severely damage their industry. As the airline industry is an oligopoly, they will not be greatly affected in the long term as there is standardised competition in the market, and after the regulations were dropped demand began to fluctuate back to their normal rates. Your first idea focuses on how this could be very beneficial for industries in Canada. Your second sentence focuses on an example of an industry that could be affected by this. However, there isn't a clear transition that helps your audience see how these two important ideas are related. Consider adding a transition here. This can strengthen your audience's understanding of these two important ideas and the relationship between these ideas. Here are some example transitions to help you: -For example,... -For instance,... -Such as,... You can use these example transitions to help you in adding a clear transition between your important ideas above. This can help your audience better understand these ideas and how they are connected to each other. After you add a transition here, consider re-reading your essay from an outsider's perspective. This can help you identify other important ideas in your essay that could benefit from added transitions. Adding transitions can improve the clarity of your main idea, supporting points, and outside support. Revision Checklist: revise your thesis statement to include more detail about the topic and main idea of your essay add more explanation to pieces of support to help your audience see what the support means and how it supports both your body paragraph's topic and the main idea of your essay add transitions between important and/or differing ideas in your essay
Thank you for your submission! I enjoyed reviewing it and wish you the best of luck with your revision. ~Shayna P You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in our Writer’s Handbook . Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets ] in your submission below. We hope to work with you again soon! PEAR Writing Assingment Equity and Efficiency Implications of the Canadian Governments Counters to the Covid-19 Pandemic   The response to the Covid-19 pandemic from the Canadian government has affected society as a whole greatly. Such a giant outbreak caused many ethical and economic problems regarding economic efficiency and equity. Trade-offs involving economic efficiency had to be made to keep the public at rest, and society as a whole protected from the raging Covid-19 outbreak. Problems such as social distancing and wearing masks have caused major disruptions in a variety of industries, CERB benefits released by the government solved and improved equity among Canadian civilians, and the prohibition of entry to Canada has been a case of an equity- efficiency tradeoff. The response from the Canadian Government to the Covid-19 pandemic has had ramifications on Canadian society that we will be experiencing long in the future. Social distancing and masks have been one of the biggest controversies throughout this entire pandemic. Some argue that it is vital for the protection of our health, safety, and overall well being, and others argue that the concept as a whole hurts the Canadian economy more than Canada as a whole has benefited from it. Those who argue the latter would be incorrect, as on average consumer spending increases by 3% when mask mandates are present [1] . On the flip side, the stock market took a giant hit during the Covid-19 pandemic, as the stocks included in the S&P 500 dropped from anywhere from 25% to 75% during the pandemic [2] . This was due to a shortage of labour, supply chains breaking down, and “remote work” or “working from home” caused a trend of laziness for the workforce. Therefore, mask mandates and social distancing have affected the Canadian economy negatively and positively, but I would argue that the negatives do outweigh the positives in this case. Companies have gone bankrupt, and with that the variety of businesses, specifically small businesses, have become lesser since the pandemic started. These are effects we will be experiencing for a long time, as unless the banks decide to
introduce an expansionary policy, small businesses will be few and far between, and the top businesses will hold dominance over the market. The CERB benefits aimed to give financial aim and support to employed Canadians who were affected negatively by the Covid-19 pandemic. This was however overcompensating by the Canadian government, as almost 1 million young Canadian citizens earned more from CERB than they would from a month of income in 2019. [Consider revising your verb form error here with "overcompensating." This -ed form of the verb should be used here. Revising this error can improve the grammatical structure of your essay.]  In total, the CERB program cost the Canadian government $73.1 billion dollars [3] . This is great and all, but this brings up the question of how are the receivers of CERB actually spending that money? Most likely, not all CERB funds are being spent in places it is meant to be spent. I believe this to be an inefficient use of resources, as not everyone who gets CERB needs/appreciates it fully, and resources should be allocated towards those who appreciate them most as stated in Cocktail Party Economics [4] . If CERB benefits were to be handled with efficiency in mind rather than equity, the Canadian economy would be more efficient and lead to a more stable economy. [How could this lead to a more efficient and stable Canadian economy? Consider adding more explanation here to strengthen your audience's understanding of this support and its direct connection to your main idea.] Unfortunately this is unrealistic as in practise handing out resources efficiently would cause massive uproars among the Canadian civilians. The high spending habits of the Canadian government through CERB will be reflected on taxpayers for the foreseeable future, and worsens the national debt. The prohibition of entry to Canada during the Covid-19 pandemic had many consequences economically and for citizens. As of March 18, 2020, non-essential travelling to and from Canada was prohibited, and along with that came various other rules such as a mandatory 14 day quarantine if you were to enter back to Canada for business related reasons. This had major economic impacts. Travel restrictions brought upon a GDP loss of $16.3 billion to the tourism industry and another $9.6 billion to various other industries throughout Canada. This accounts for 1.2% of total real GDP in 2019. There was also significant impact on employment, as the total amount of jobs affected by the travel restrictions was estimated to reach up to 550,00 or 2.9% total employment in 2019 [5] . This government involvement was clearly catastrophic for the travel industry. As mentioned in chapter 6 of Cocktail Party Economics, a good strategy by
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