Nell Towne Personal Conflict Styles

III. The “Obliging” style is used when there is low concern for one’s self but a high concern for the relationship. (Rahim Interpersonal Conflict”)

In a dispute, it's often easier to describe how others respond then to how we respond. Each of us has a predominant conflict style that we use to meet our own needs. By examining conflict styles and the consequences of those behaviors, we can gain a better understanding of the impact that our personal conflict style has on other people. With a better understanding, you then can make a conscious choice on how to respond to others in a conflict situation to help reduce work conflict and stress.

Interpersonal conflict happens in every relationship. It is inevitable when two or more people disagree on something. Conflict is a result of a misunderstanding because of a miscommunication. In the movie Hitch (Mordaunt & Tadross, 2005) we can notice an interpersonal conflict between two people due to a lack of communication. Communication is a key role in any relationship, whether platonic or an intimate relationship. When starting a relationship it is primordial to be able to communicate effectively from the beginning in order to avoid any conflict. However “people are usually cautious about what they tell each other and how they say it, and they make a conscious effort to present positive

The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) was originally developed by Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann in 1974 (Kilmann, 2013). The TKI assesses a person’s behavior when they are confronted with a conflict situation. For their work Thomas & Kilmann define conflict as any situation when the concerns of two people appear to be incompatible (Thomas & Kilmann, 1974). According to the TKI when a person is in a conflict situation their behavior will go along two dimensions. The first dimension, on the y axis, is assertiveness, a person’s attempt to

Reviewing the nonverbal and verbal cues identified in the last question, what are the roles that these play in the conflict? Do these cues lead to a more positive outcome or negative? How can nonverbal and verbal cues be used to lead to a more productive conflict resolution?

We blame ourselves, and then we start to question our likability, and we wonder why we don't have that fantasy group of friends that everybody else in the world must have. Conflict is a process in which people disagree over significant issues, thereby creating friction (Lulofs & Cahn, 2000). This is not a simple occurrence, but there needs to be various factors included for it to be considered a conflict. Both parties must have opposing interests, thoughts, perceptions, and feelings, and they must then recognize the existence of different points of view (Lulofs & Cahn, 2000). In addition, the disagreement is not just a one time event but something that continuously occurs. Though it can be destructive it can also be beneficial, for example a relationship with little to no conflict leads to complacency but a relationship with too much conflict can lead to dysfunctional behaviors by both

What factors contribute to their conflict resolution styles? Do you know of anyone who handles relationship conflicts effectively? If so, describe their conflict

Hocker, J. and Wilmot, W. (2014). Interpersonal conflict (9thed). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

Confronting without offending is a methodology that is often attempted but rarely achieved. The reason why it is rarely achieved can be linked to several different reasons, which were illustrated by an inspiring author by the name of Deborah Smith Pegues. The author says, “Every offense has the potential to cause a permanent breach in a relationship.” That’s why there is confrontation, which she defines as simply “the act of coming together face-to-face to resolve an issue” (Pegues, 2009). What made her different then a lot of other authors; through her writing and experiences she provides us with the right tools to reconstruct conflict. Not to mention she graciously revealed to us effective method to use face-to-face confrontation to build

Avoiding typically leads to unsatisfying relationships, while avoiding isn’t always an atrocious idea. Accommodating is a lose-win it occurs when you allow others to have their way rather than asserting your point of view. If accommodation is a genuine act of kindness, generosity, or love, then the chances are favorable leading to enhancing the relationship. People from high-context, or collectivist backgrounds are likely to regard avoidance and accommodating as face-saving. Competing is a win-lose, and appears when there is a high level of self concern, and a low level of concern for others. Direct aggression arises when a communicator expresses a criticism or demand that threatens the face of another. Passive aggression occurs when a communicator expresses hostility in an obscure or manipulative way. Compromising is a lose-lose, and presents both parties a minimal fix of what they desire, although they both sacrifice part of their goals. Compromising actually negotiates a solution where both lose something, while leaving both parties

Communication in conflict can be both constructive and destructive. Those who communicate constructively, or productively, emphasize both themselves and

In conflict we often make the mistake of using our power to focus on the relationship or on the issue/  outcome we desire.  The result is that we often attain one at the expense of the other.  Our power may enable us to achieve our goal but damage or destroy the relationship.  Alternatively, we may sustain the relationship at the expense of our needs or desired outcome.  The ideal may be maintaining a healthy relationship while at the same time achieving our goal, but this requires a subtle and complex use of different kinds of power or perhaps not using the power at our disposal.  This requires wisdom, self control and self discipline as well as skilled interpersonal behavior.

The desire to satisfy the concerns of others, which shows itself in non-assertive behavior. These represent two behavioral dimensions and provide the basis for conflict-handling modes.

The topic that I have chosen to discuss throughout this paper is Managing and Resolving Conflicts in a Relationship. This topic is very important to me simply because, I personally see a lot of relationships failing, including some of mines due to lack of resolving and managing conflicts correctly. By the end of this paper I hope that I have helped the reader understand and eliminate any conflicts that confront their everyday lives.

Conflict is defined as the perception of incompatible goals or actions between two people (McCornack, 2013). How you approach these tense situations greatly affects the outcome of the conflict and your interpersonal relationships. Everyone experiences disagreement at some point in their lives and it is important to know what you bring to conflict situations in order to become a more competent communicator. Therefore, I completed the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Questionnaire and asked my sister and boyfriend to do the same regarding my conflict style (Introduction to Interpersonal Communication Course Workbook, 2013, p.29-31). I chose these two people to fill out the questionnaire because they both know me very well in two different types