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Non-Traditional Students

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Non-Traditional Being an undergraduate as an adult is strange. It’s at once unnerving and inspiring. It’s not a unilateral experience, but there are commonalities between adult students; there are a lot of them. Toward the end of my almost final year of undergraduate studies, I was sitting with Annie, another thirtyish former bartender, smoking cigarettes and trying to commiserate. Annie was in tears, shocked that she would be the only non-traditional student from our department walking in our school’s graduation ceremony. Strutting across a stage in a gown makes my skin crawl under any circumstances, and to do so in celebration of something I felt should have finished a long time ago was out of the question. The one other adult student in …show more content…

And they laugh, but they blush too because they are horrified by the idea of being like us. As non-traditional students, we talk about gratitude and opportunity. We talk about how it’s never too late, all the while feeling our years around our ankles like lead weights. Shame is what we don’t talk about. We don’t talk about shame every time a professor raises an eyebrow at us in doubt about the breadth of our knowledge; in turn we doubt ourselves. We fantasize. We daydream about knocking books off shelves in offices. We imagine screaming “I’ve read this, and this, and this. Yes. Yes. Yes. I have read Heidegger and Hegel and Strauss! I read them because I was genuinely interested! And now you made me never want to read them again. I am smart! I am!” But, of course we don’t. Instead we listen to our shame. We look at the ground and mumble that it’s been a while. We remind ourselves to talk …show more content…

We learn to appreciate the overzealous girl in the front row, the one with the non-prescription glasses when we realize that she’s reading Judith Butler for the first time, and maybe she grew up in small Idaho town. Maybe she’s the daughter of a preacher. When we realize that this is the first time she’s really hearing that she’s equal. And we soften. Possibly we even smile a little the next time she quotes Mina Loy. We tear up when the recently out gay boy who’s overdoing it, working queer theory into everything from Spencer to Carver, tells us that the first gay person he ever met was three months ago at orientation. Our hearts unstiffen. They soften. Our judgement ebbs; our tolerance grows. We remind ourselves that we grew up in different worlds than these people, these kids around us. Of course this is true in any situation, but it’s particularly poignant in a college classroom where young adults are being introduced, hopefully, to new ways of thinking and understanding the world. And yes, though we have moments of envy, intolerance, shame and defensiveness, there are parts of us, like Annie, that are also

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