I Have Shaped Who I Am

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When given a prompt to write an essay reflecting on how my environment and experiences have shaped who I am, my first instinct was to lie. I don’t want my english teacher to read my essay if it is full of nothing but truth and vulnerability, so of course lying would be a logical option. However, I felt I must be confident and write this essay and use nothing but the truth because it could possibly help me shape myself. I am not fully shaped. Trust me, if you think about it, no one is fully shaped. My experiences and environments will be shaping me until the day I die. Every day I learn something new; I do something different; I break out of that small circle of comfort that defines who I am. Sure, I regret my decisions all of the time because…show more content…
As a child, I grew up with a loving family; two parents, two siblings. I was sheltered from the world as a child, which sometimes isn’t exactly the best thing. When I got into the second grade, the world I lived in was flipped upside down. I was bullied on a daily basis, and that can really tear a kid down. I recently read an article that said that studies have shown that before kids start kindergarten they are pretty confident with themselves; they don’t care about their self image or if they aren’t as smart as the others. However, as they grow up and they are made fun of and taught that if they look different, if they don’t have good grades, if they can’t read, if they are just the slightest bit different, they shouldn’t be treated the same. The article said that as kids get made fun of, it changes their view of themselves. They start to worry about their self images; they suddenly care about their personalities and try to change themselves so that way they can avoid the person who picks on them. They just want to have friends and be loved by somebody. They don’t want to be the outcasts anymore. I have been there. Sometimes I am still there. The kids who are bullied, they are the ones who get anxiety from being around too many people at once; the ones who try so hard to blend in because they don’t want to stand…show more content…
I have really bad anxiety that keeps me from being myself. My anxiety makes me want to pretend to be somebody that I’m not. I don’t like feeling vulnerable. It is hard for me to be myself when I know that sometimes I am not the best person in the world. I have anger issues, I get jealous easily, I lack self-confidence, I am moody, and I am stubborn. I am not really sure about what people see in me. Do I hide my true colors and put up a wall so they don’t see the really me? I definitely put up a wall around my family. They don’t understand me. My siblings followed the family way and are athletically inclined, playing sports like softball, baseball, volleyball, basketball, and archery. I tried to follow the family way and spent about two years in softball, two years in volleyball, a year in basketball, a year in archery and then completely quit sports. I am not very athletic. I would rather be academically and musically inclined. My mom was disappointed when I joined band instead of choir. She doesn’t understand how that choice changed my life. It led me to joining marching band and to finding an amazing group where I feel like I fit in and people accept me for me. My mom is disappointed in how I don’t like to camp or go play outside with my siblings. I try to explain to her that I would rather read a book in the safety of the indoors but she believes I am just playing games on my phone. My grandparents never come to watch my
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