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Reflection About Grief

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Pain. A feeling that most of us hate even to experience in life. It is an essential component that we feel when we get hurt physically or mentally. The more we experience it, the more we grow stronger in future. Physical pain is what we feel outside; it is temporary and we learn from it, but what happens when that pain is caused in your heart? What happens when that pain takes the form of grief? What happens when that pain breaks you into a million pieces like a shattered mirror? Perhaps, this pain can not be expressed in proper words. There are perhaps no proper words to describe this pain, at least none used on this planet. This intolerable pain which tears you apart becomes so overwhelming and unbearable that it taints your entire life. But grief—grief doesn’t run to my schedule, it has an agenda of its own, like a desire which doesn’t go with the way. Some say it comes in waves, but that would suggest a rhythm one can predict, like the rising and falling of tides. I feel no rhythm in my grief, but I do live in a slow-motion pace inside a bubble from which I see my altered world.

It was June 20, 2011. I remember when I was in Saudi, studying back in my room when suddenly my mom collapsed. I was with my brother, and dad was with her. Dad shouted, “Haisam!! Come here quickly and get the keys”. I was shocked and scared to death when I saw my mother lying down on the carpet. We immediately took her to the hospital from where we learned from the doctors that she had a heart attack and her condition is really terrible. At this moment I was feeling as if the whole world came to a stop as if my soul has been taken from my body. Then dad came up to me and said, “Don’t worry, everything will be alright. The doctors said that they can’t operate her here so she needs to be taken to Pakistan.” “Why? Why not here?”, I asked. He replied, “She needs to be operated with a device called Pacemaker, it keeps the heart pumping”. I felt astounded because she was so robust and active the day before and in just a split second her heart became so inadequate that she needs a device. So we agreed to fly back to Pakistan where her operation went successfully and she was back on her feet. I thanked God and hugged her right after

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